Still struggling from my female ex who was a borderline

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I was in a very serious relationship with a borderline female the last few years of my teens and now a few years later I am still struggling to heal
and find peace within myself. I feel worth-less, used, abused, not good enough, alone, etc... .In summary, I have not been in a healthy mental state since before that relationship. I'm looking to date again but these feelings have left me with low-self esteem and I feel like no one wants to be with me. Any suggestions or words of help would be greatly appreciated.   

[MaskedAnonymous]

I was in a very serious relationship with a borderline female the last few years of my teens and now a few years later I am still struggling to heal
and find peace within myself. I feel worth-less, used, abused, not good enough, alone, etc... .In summary, I have not been in a healthy mental state since before that relationship. I'm looking to date again but these feelings have left me with low-self esteem and I feel like no one wants to be with me. Any suggestions or words of help would be greatly appreciated.   

[TMW]

I've been through/am still going through similar feelings, so you're not alone in that. My relationship with my ex was intense and intimate, and when she left it left me wondering where things went wrong.

It's a cliche, but the old phrase "it's not you, it's me" applies to her even if she would never admit it. She likely put you on an impossible pedestal and then treated you poorly when it turned out you couldn't live up to her superhuman standards, right? That's how it was for me. And the thing is, just because you're not perfect didn't mean you failed. You're human, same as anyone here, and it's her difficulties in accepting that which led to things going south.

I can't offer a lot to help you deal with those feelings of believing nobody else would want you, because I struggle with that often. But if you have other friends or family who treat you better than your ex did, they see the best parts of you along with those that aren't as good, and love you just the same for it. Someone will come along who will accept all of you and love you the more for it.

[Mars22]

MA -
First off, We are truly sorry to hear you are still going through the pain from losing what you thought, was real love. You will find or, perhaps have had glimpses over those few years since the loss where you were able to detach from the root cause of your pain - your ex, presumably with BPD. And, over these past few years you have seemingly walked through life feeling like you've made progress? No? Where do you get stuck in your mind ? What causes these negative feelings to creep in after all this time?

I'm getting the feeling that you always get caught in thinking about her, the causes and ultimate rejection. It's okay to a point. However, what you must understand is that, while its okay to ruminate about the past, the specifics and your ex, when you do this your not able to remain in the present. And, the present is where we need to get you. As, the present... the here and now is the only place where loving yourself and who you truly are begins. You have an important choice to make. And the right choice is too make an agreement with yourself not to dwell on or spent too much time on the things that make you feel bad. Aspect of the past that are no longer controllable.
What is controllable is you choose to create a new and better self. That person is good enough. Please don't allow yourself to be judged by what others think of you. Surely there are interests you have, hobbies and/or places you like to visit? Occupying yourself with things that bring you joy is important here. Do you travel? Traveling alone can give us a sense of self reliance. Perhaps plan a trip somewhere. Get caught up in the details... See my point?

Take your time, forgive yourself for the past and try and heal your heart my friend. Work on being truly in the present and thinking about your unique perspective of the world, your desires and interests. Yes, perhaps this requires being alone for awhile (thats okay). But, over time you will gain your enthusiasm again and this, is what makes us attractive to people, not just woman. Find your passions, motivate yourself to feel better about who you can become, and then freely share what you've found.  

Every day you wake up you have the choice to change what you believe and feel. It takes practice but, try your best and stay away from those things that cause you pain. There is so much out there for you. You sound like you have a lifetime of happiness ahead of you. This is a good lesson to learn while you are stil young. But, it starts with choosing to focus on you.  Once you get in the positive rhythm of learning about your new self, and nurturing its growth... .that's when life gets brighter. You'll see.

peace.
M22