my daughter and infant child "escaped" BPD son-in-law

[kitkat##]

Hi all,
It's been a wild ride.  My daughter and infant child showed up at my door 4 months ago.  My BPD son-in-law had become severely emotionally abusive and alcoholic. He's also a master manipulator and pathological liar (from little white lies to real doozies).  She has filed for legal separation.  He now says that he believes that he is suffering from BPD and has initiated therapy.  He asked her to go along to the intake session that lasted over two hours during which she "helped" him tell the therapist the truth about why he was there.  He wants her to be involved in his therapy, whatever that means, and while she wants to keep her distance, she did promise to support him and help him stay in therapy.  My concern is that he's using the therapy and her involvement as a ruse to keep her close and keep her from filing for divorce.  (He's a classic BPD case:  gaslighting, lying (wow, the stuff he comes up with), manipulating, verbal abuse, raging and cycling, paranoia, and so much more). I'm telling my daughter that she shouldn't be involved at all; that if he's truly sincere about therapy, he'll commit to it  even if she isn't in the picture.  Her involvement will keep her from focusing on her own recovery as a codependent, which is, I fear, exactly what he wants. 

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Kitkat##! 

I am very glad you have found us here to help and support you.   hugs for you as it sounds like such an intense few months, not to mention what must have gone on before this time. How long were they married?

I can also understand the concerns you have given how the situation is unfolding. A couple important questions for you: Does your D have a T that she is seeing who is trained or familiar with BPD? And for you, are you able to seek advice and guidance as well? First and foremost is the concern for safety for you and your D and grandchild. There is a great section to the right of the board where you can start. ----->>   If you click on any of the sentences, another window opens up with more information.

You will find lots of helpful information at our site and a welcoming, understanding family. I look forward to hearing from you again!

Wools

[Turkish]

With a child involved,  there are certainly more issues,  both emotional and legal. 

What are your daughter's thoughts on this?