The benefit of depression

[Mutt]

I was adopted. I'm 42 and reunited with my biological mom when I was 31. At that time, I felt like I was really different than my adoptive family because they're not aware and don't want to be. I used to try to talk to them but they are invalidating in that they would just say that I think too much. So, I was curious to see what my mom was like, I didn't expect anything, it could be a bad situation or a good one. It turned out to be a good situation, she's been very supportive and I see qualities that I have in her, she's not judgemental, she's easy to talk to and I trust her. It's a good r/s that's developed over the last decade.

My adoptive dad is the type that does not believe in medication and sees it as a sign of weakness, the same goes for my brother and sister on my adoptive side. My adoptive father displays traits of an anxiety disorder and ADHD but he's not diagnosed and it he'll never take care of it. That being said, I chose to not "come out" and tell my adoptive family because they don't want to understand and think that it's something that you can just get over it.

I can't control the serotonin tin levels in my brain, I need medication, I wish that I had taken care of it sooner but I what's important is the present. When I started getting panic attacks in the 90's, you feel like you're going crazy and I didn't people enough to be able share that with my GP, I kept it to myself for just over 20 years. ‎I do share it with my biological mom but I don't share it with anyone else, mainly due to being judged.‎

The panic disorder would come and go and I just thought that it would eventually go away, when I met my ex wife my anxiety subsided, it was there but it wasn't flared up, it started flaring up last year and finally I went in and talked to a GP and it's under control today with medication, self care and exercise.

[steelwork]

I too have suffered from time to time with depression. Recognising it for me was key to dealing with it. No motivation, snapping at people, easily irritated etc. Once I identified it then it was the case for me to figure out the cause (normally money). Then dealing with the cause. Sometimes you can sort the problem out other times you have to accept theres nothing you can do and try to not let it affect you. Positive actions improved it for me.\

EM, it's great that you are able to pull yourself out of your occasional depressions in this way. Depression and "the blues" really aren't the same thing. Nor are situational depression and chronic depression. Maybe because you don't suffer from major and/or chronic depression you are over-confident in the general applicability of what works for you?

By definition, if you are able to find the problem and address it and then the mood goes away, you're not really dealing with depression.

[enlighten me]

Steelwork I have to disagree and agree.

I agree its not major depression but its still depression. Its just not as severe or prolonged but the mechanics are still the same.

Yes I was lucky that It was mild enough for me to identify and pull myself out of.

[steelwork]

If you're just able to pull yourself out of it, that's great. That does not sound like depression to me--which is great news! Those of us who suffer from depression can't just "pull ourselves out of it" or address some concrete problem like money. It's way more complicated than that. And it hurts to be told we're just not doing enough for ourselves when many of us are fighting like heck every day.

FYI, here's a good resource on what depression is:

www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression

[enlighten me]

Hi Steelwork

I do not claim to know what your going through and I do not wish to diminish its effect on you. I do strongly disagree with the fact that you diminish what I went through. The fact that I couldn't eat properly for weeks, didn't sleep properly for weeks, had no enthusiasm for life and even hoped I would get blown up in a rocket attack to end it all to me is a little more than the blues. I felt at a total loss and although never had strong thoughts of suicide I still had them. Yes I was lucky to be able to turn myself around.

Maybe depression is a spectrum disorder or maybe some of us are built differently so it effects us differently and a lucky few can work through it. Whatever it is I do not feel that diminishing others experience is helpful.

[steelwork]

Oh gosh! I'm so sorry--that was insensitive of me. I'm glad you were able to pull out of it. I'm saying that the mechanics (as you describe them) do not "scale" to chronic or major depression.

[enlighten me]

That's ok.

My point is its still depression and a lot here although they don't reach severe depression levels still go through it.

For me the mechanics are like a car on low revs. For you it may be closer to red lining. Same mechanics but throttled back me.

[steelwork]

That's just it--what depression does is alter your perceptions, cloud your thinking, and make every kind of task harder. Even if you have the energy and heart to sort through looking for causes (and there might not be any obvious causes--or if there are, they might be rooted deep in childhood), your view of your own life becomes distorted. For those reasons and more, most people need some kind of help pulling out of a serious depression.

I like this article okay.

www.goodtherapy.org/blog/inside-head-depressed-person-0110134

"It’s difficult to describe all of this in a way that someone who’s never experienced it can make sense of it. I can’t emphasize enough that when this happens, what I am describing is absolutely the depressed person’s reality. When people try to get the person to look on the bright side, be grateful, change his or her thoughts, or meditate, or they minimize or try to disprove the person’s reality, they are very unlikely to succeed. Instead, they and the depressed person are likely to feel frustrated and alienated from one another. I do believe cognitive therapy has an important place, but generally not in the throes of a major depressive episode."

[enlighten me]

Yes it is difficult to pull out of it and for me it wasn't a quick turn around. Once I realised that I wasn't right it took months to get to a happier place maybe even a year. Its hard to put a time frame on it as it was such a slow process.

The problem is our brain chemistry changes when depressed and its very difficult to change it back on our own. Yes meditation, diet, exercise can all help but lets face it who wants to exercise when your depressed. Also eating healthily isn't easy when you cant be bothered to eat.

www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=education_anxiety_stress_brain_structure

www.allaboutdepression.com/cau_02.html

[steelwork]

I meditate, eat pretty well, run 3-4 times a week, and take an antidepressant (have been on one or another for most of the last 25 years). I still have episodes of crushing depression.

Once I identified it then it was the case for me to figure out the cause (normally money). Then dealing with the cause. Sometimes you can sort the problem out other times you have to accept theres nothing you can do and try to not let it affect you. Positive actions improved it for me.

Its the ruminating that seems to do the harm IMO. Its like you are constantly trying to find an answer when there isn't one or there isn't one that you like.
... .
Maybe this is the thing that doesn't stop for people who suffer deep depression? They cant find the answer so cant stop ruminating.

Can you see how this sounds to someone who strugges with chronic depression? What works for you does not necessarily work for everyone. What looks like "ruminating" to you might be a fight for survival.

[steelwork]

I should say also: baseline for me is a low-level depression--even with all I do to combat it. And then there are scary spikes and long, grueling episodes. That's reality for a lot of people. We don't like hearing that there's some solution that worked for you, so why don't we just do that, because the mechanics are the same.

I apologize if I seem to be taking this too personally, but I am having a particularly hard time right now and for the past several months. Took that self-test: 59.

[enlighten me]

Yes I can see how that looks to you. As I said it was the case for me and only my opinion based on my experience. I was thinking more of standard depression rather than chronic and I apologise if my words caused offence.

The vast majority of people who go through depression at some point do not have the debilitating chronic depression that you have suffered. In many cases it can be turned around like I did by self awareness and positive action. By making my post I hoped that those here who have the less debilitating form would be able to think about it and maybe work their way through it by whatever means necessary. In no way was I saying all depression can be cured by thoughtfulness.

[Curiously1]

I've been reading. Everyone experiences depression differently and it's on a spectrum you are right. I'm sorry to hear that it doesn't make it any good to hear that certain solutions other people found have not been helpful to you particularly. It's really discouraging and I would have no idea. I don't remember exactly how or when I got out of my depression but it certainly wasn't deep depression. It was awful though, I had it all through high school and I didn't want to do anything at all. I can't describe it anymore. It's almost like a past life I don't remember much because I was so shut down at the time like memory loss. I think there was just so many people concerned with me I guess I got out of it with their help I don't know the exact moment it was but their support helped. It was gradual. Perhaps you are right. I wish there was a one size fits all solution to these kinds of things. It's depressing to think about other people fall into this helplessness and it's even harder to get out of because of its severity. You are right, positivity alone doesn't exactly cure it but it's worth trying to stay optimistic and finding the best solution I guess to manage depression. Being open to suggestion and not hating yourself etc. if it doesn't work for you.

[purekalm]

Mutt,

I'm glad that your reunion with your mother helped you feel better and belong somewhere. My mother and husband are both adopted and neither have been reunited. My mother got the short end because she's pretty sure she found her brother but he told her to stop trying because their mother is happy and he doesn't want her to ruin what they have. She stopped trying after that.

I completely understand about your dad. My dad has always made a point to say that any mental disorder is a weakness, so it's not like you can say anything to him. Depression is just another feeling you have to 'pull yourself up by your boot straps' to get over it. He is uBPD, but would never even think of getting help for it because he would never think he had it and there's no point in suggesting it. My immediate family are the only ones that know because they've been around me long enough to see it and they've suffered from it in their ways. I told my husband because I knew it was something I couldn't stop yet when I met him hoping that he would stay away and it didn't work and I thought that he might actually understand but he didn't.

I also know how you feel with the panic and anxiety attacks. Those are less frequent for me, thank goodness, but it kept me from walking into a church last year. There would've been people sitting behind me or I would've sat at a table that was higher off the ground and I DO NOT want attention anywhere I go and just the thought of having someone behind me flipped me out and I couldn't do it.

I don't take medication, both my sister's have tried multiple ones and it intensified their feelings instead of helping. I'm really sensitive to medications and the like, unlike them, so I decided I wouldn't even try after that. I have tried to realize triggers, work on so much crap and do better so that when the black cloud arrives I can fight it off as much as possible before I can't do anything. I couldn't see it coming before and sometimes it still comes out of nowhere, but I do my best to fight it before it completely engulfs me.

I see where steelwork is coming from because people always try to blame you for your depression and sometimes you've already done everything you could and it still comes and it intensifies because then you've failed again by not being able to stop it like everyone says you can do.

I can also see enlighten me's point of view of some people do go through depression that is not like ours (his sounds like situational depression, not less than, but has an identifiable problem that can be overcome) and it is still just as debilitating to them and throwing out suggestions helps those who suffer in like manner.

Being objective and walking in another's shoes helps to not be hurt by only seeing things from our personal perspective. I think that anyone who has suffered depression in any form can agree that it stinks and they wouldn't want anyone to suffer in the same way, which is why we reach out and offer any suggestions we can. Yes, it does pain those of us who are trying to hard and nothing is working, but I believe if the suggestion is offered in a way that doesn't demean the other person's pain, then there's no slight, perceived or otherwise, to be had.

I have a love/hate relationship with this site. I love that we can all share and help each other, but I hate that it makes me be vulnerable to do so.  

[lovenature]

People with severe enough depression see things (especially themselves) through a negative cognition, very different from how we see things when we aren't depressed.
There is no benefit to depression, it is something we go through for various reasons, the only benefit is if we learn from it why we went through it in the first place.

It doesn't take depression to learn that the simple things in life that most take for granted are the most important.