Rumors

[Shedd]

Hey all,

So I keep asking people if my ex is dating this one girl at work to people that might know.  No one has an answer so I don't think she is, but aside from that.  When I talk about her they seem to know so many thing about her that they shouldn't know!

I never told anybody what was happening with her.  My friend just told ne she tried to kill herself a couple times (this I already knew) But how are people finding this out?

I think upper management is talking and people close to her are talking about her and it makes me so mad.

I am worried that she is going to think that I told everyone, but I haven't said a thing to anyone!

[once removed]

I am worried that she is going to think that I told everyone, but I haven't said a thing to anyone!

you know they know these things because you are speaking to them about her and inquiring about her dating life. if something does come back to her, you are likely to be mentioned.

i suggest keeping this stuff out of the workplace; i know its tough, because you have to work with her. its in your best interest to stay target free and above it all.

[Portent]

I personally think its very bad for them to date someone from work. A high functioning BPD can separate their work and personal life so they dont blow up at work. But when their replacement is painted black and they work with them then they get triggered at work. The presence of anyone who is painted black causes them to deregulate.

[Pretty Woman]

I second, Once Removed.

I did not heed the keeping it out of the workplace (when I was in the thick of it) and it all came back to bite me in the A _ _. Plus, if you are talking to everyone YOU start looking like a gossip, you look worse than the ex.
I know you are venting and trying to figure stuff out but know this... .no one is REALLY your friend at work. Friend is loosely used here.

I learned this the 2nd time around when my BPD ex friend and I stopped being friends last year (we work together along with my crazy ex's sister). She divulged ALL my personal---as this was one of my "closest friends" info to anyone who would listen.  I seriously wanted to glue her mouth shut... .
and chuck her over a cliff. I bit my tongue and ignored it. She amped it up for awhile and once she realized she was not getting anywhere she found a new target... .
as they always do.

Sure, there were the "busy bodies" at work who came to me to tell me what was being said, trying to fuel the fire. My only answer: "That's a real shame. I mean she's 54 and I am 40. This is childish".

By keeping my mouth shut she ended up looking like a gossipy troublemaker and is on HR's radar.

I am not.Don't worry that you have divulged things, you can't go back and change that but keep quiet at work. If anything gets back to your ex she could be un-reasonable (as they often are) and accuse you of stalking or harassing her. Then, there is this trail of all the people you divulged HER info to.



Better to be cautious, esp when it comes to your place of work and main source of income.

[Shedd]

I'm not gossiping about her.  I am only asking questions.  Some people will ask me about her and I say I cannot say.  But everyone at work thinks she is crazy I guess, but they don't know she has BPD.  I think it would be better if she was ok with telling people she has BPD so they don't just think she is crazy. its so sad.  

[once removed]

I'm not gossiping about her.  I am only asking questions. 

is there a difference? youre discussing her personal life at work.

I think it would be better if she was ok with telling people she has BPD so they don't just think she is crazy. its so sad.  

let them think what they think, and control what is in your ability to control.

I am worried that she is going to think that I told everyone, but I haven't said a thing to anyone!

this is your concern (upper management talking is a real concern) according to your original post, and that is entirely within your control.