I just read something on another board which helped me a bit

[Depression = 72% of members]

So, I have been trawling through the different sections of the board. Searching for anything that might help me.
I found a 'successful stories ' thread.
I never came here when things were really really bad for me and my husband , who has BPD. All of my energy was taken by him and I just barely had enough left to function for my job. Also at this time I didn't know he was BPD.
So the years 2012-2015 were the biggest nightmares of my life basically. January 2016 he came off opiates ( for chronic pain) and we got his kidney stone out in July and he has been pain free ever since.
Someone once said to me... .don't shoot for happiness, shoot for calm and stability and happiness will follow. Well we definitely had calm and stability from 2016 onwards. I'm not expecting happiness to follow quickly but I guess it will come. I'm happy because of the calm and stability. I'm not happy in my relationship though. He has been in therapy for 1 year now... .it's going well and I can see a difference in him. He hasn't called me a name or raged at me in a year. If he is a bit blunt about something then I just leave the room and he has to spend the rest of the evening by himself... .although lately he has been knocking on my bedroom door after a few hours and saying sorry.
His next job is to be in a job by spring this year. Without this he has to leave and he is aware of this.
So yeah, I'll take the calm and the stability, I'll keep going out and socialising with the world and living MY life. I have to. I'll go to this support group for family of pwBPD and I might get a book to read called 'stop walking on eggshells' past all of this. I do not know if our marriage will survive. If it doesn't survive it won't be because of uncalm and instability. It will more than likely be because I just cannot accept what has happened and I cannot find a way to move on with this person.

[Jester20]

So, I have been trawling through the different sections of the board. Searching for anything that might help me.
I found a 'successful stories ' thread.
I never came here when things were really really bad for me and my husband , who has BPD. All of my energy was taken by him and I just barely had enough left to function for my job. Also at this time I didn't know he was BPD.
So the years 2012-2015 were the biggest nightmares of my life basically. January 2016 he came off opiates ( for chronic pain) and we got his kidney stone out in July and he has been pain free ever since.
Someone once said to me... .don't shoot for happiness, shoot for calm and stability and happiness will follow. Well we definitely had calm and stability from 2016 onwards. I'm not expecting happiness to follow quickly but I guess it will come. I'm happy because of the calm and stability. I'm not happy in my relationship though. He has been in therapy for 1 year now... .it's going well and I can see a difference in him. He hasn't called me a name or raged at me in a year. If he is a bit blunt about something then I just leave the room and he has to spend the rest of the evening by himself... .although lately he has been knocking on my bedroom door after a few hours and saying sorry.
His next job is to be in a job by spring this year. Without this he has to leave and he is aware of this.
So yeah, I'll take the calm and the stability, I'll keep going out and socialising with the world and living MY life. I have to. I'll go to this support group for family of pwBPD and I might get a book to read called 'stop walking on eggshells' past all of this. I do not know if our marriage will survive. If it doesn't survive it won't be because of uncalm and instability. It will more than likely be because I just cannot accept what has happened and I cannot find a way to move on with this person.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Please forgive me Hulu, I don't know your backstory, but are you in therapy?

Abusive relationships can create deep scars that take a great deal of time and effort to heal. It sounds like you are doing some great things to help with that (like going out and socializing, defining and maintaining your boundaries, and learning about BPD). Moving forward, those things will help you immensely.

From time to time, the old hurts can creep in though and taint even the best of days. From what I understand, that's fairly natural. What becomes important is how we deal with those emotions. If we allow them to, they can be just as damaging as the original hurts.

[Jester20]

Please forgive me Hulu, I don't know your backstory, but are you in therapy?

Abusive relationships can create deep scars that take a great deal of time and effort to heal. It sounds like you are doing some great things to help with that (like going out and socializing, defining and maintaining your boundaries, and learning about BPD). Moving forward, those things will help you immensely.

From time to time, the old hurts can creep in though and taint even the best of days. From what I understand, that's fairly natural. What becomes important is how we deal with those emotions. If we allow them to, they can be just as damaging as the original hurts.

Hi, no. I'm not in therapy. I've been thinking about it but I just don't want to or have the energy to revisit all that nastiness