Just introducing myself

[Jennygabe]

Hi everyone. My husband of almost three years is a high functioning undiagnosed BPD. I am very close to asking for a divorce: as in papers are almost done and just not submitted yet. I randomly came across this group when I started looking for answers that three different counselors couldn't give me. I'm still in a confused state as to what to do. The book I've been reading for the past week is both validating and upsetting. I finally feel like someone could put into words all that I was experiencing and having to deal with. He is always so charismatic in public but every now and then, the other Him comes out to play. On one hand it's not his fault that he has BPD and our marriage vows mean everything to me... .on the other hand, why should I continue to live in an emotionally and mentally abusive situation, especially if he is nowhere near close to even admitting that he has a problem. I am pretty sure that divorce is my only option; I don't want to live like this for another three days, much less three years.

[ArleighBurke]

BPD is an explaination, but not an excuse. Whether he can label his behaviour or not doesn't matter - if he is not willing to admit a problem and work on himself then nothing much will change.

The advice given to spouses of BPDs is to work on themselves, to make sure they are emotionally healthy to be able to "withstand" living in the relationship. The people who choose to stay normally do for strong reasons like kids or religion - but even then they probably aren't really good reasons. If you are only new in the relationship, and young, then I think you are right - as hard as it is to leave, why should you have to "settle".