My exMIL used to watch the kids. Coming up on 3 years ago, I had to call the cops after them D2 told me that then U17 was touching her privates. Much drama ensued. They went back to the home after several months being out, but with clear boundaries bring communicated by me and my ex. Family denied it, but complied. I didn't fear av relapse, but psychological issues with now D4. After TFCBT (trauma focused) it was determined that there was no trauma. D4, however, did mention it to the T a year after she mentored it to me or her mom.
Last month, D4 mentioned something to her mom. My ex mentioned it to grandma who wanted to talk to D4 alone. No way in hell. Grandma said that she didn't want her son's live ruined, and the kids had to leave. So we've been scrambling these past two weeks. Time of work, etc.
We found the mother of one of S7's classmates. She lives near his school, and she can take D4 to her school at 9AM which is great. I don't punch a clock, but I'm still expected to put in my hours at a minimum. All of this BPD Er, "stuff" cost my first bad review in 24 years. X, then BPD mother last year after thought i just had stabilized. Tens of thousands in deferred compensation of I extrapolate it. Money is what it is. I drive an 8 year old Mazda. I'm not into bling, but securing our future.
The new schedule is a burden. I'm trying to get into work before 7 on days I don't have the kids. Ideally, by 630. On days I have the kids, by 930. Given a 3-2-2-3 schedule (3's being Friday through Monday morning), my sleep time switches every few days by two hours. I like to think I don't need much sleep, but in middle age, I feel it, even if I deny it.
I picked up the kids today, their first week with the new sitter. The kids were calm am relaxed. What a difference! When I'd pick them up from grandma's house, they'd be running around, yelling, throwing things... . I felt the the bad guy doing Turkish Voice(tm) to stop it.
Given what happened to D4, my ex is understandably hesitant to trust. I get that& I validated her. However, when we interviewed the family last week, I was struck on how well behaved her kids were, the D in S7's class, the brother two years older. Really well adjusted kids. I refused to date a woman 10 years ago based upon a bad vibe and also how I observed her 4 yo daughter (obvious anxiety
Putting the kids to bed tonight, I asked them how it was going with the babysitter. They said fine. S7 asked why grandma couldn't watch them anymore. I said that she justcouldn't. He said (didn't ask) it was because grandma hit them a lot. I asked him to demonstrate it (assuring him he had my permission and he wouldn't be in trouble). He smacked me on the butt. He also said that she pinched them.
I had previously communicated this to my ex. She forbade her mom from doing this, but jet mom apparently didn't listen. Smacking the backside is legal on California, but the custody stipulation forbids any spanking. I asked our son how often it happened. Apparently every day. Given the difference in behaviors, it didn't seem to work.
My ex, who had the kids the last two days, said that she observed their calm demeanor, too. She said it was sad, but that we dud 2 the right thing (taking them out).
