feel strange today. what is locality to your loved one?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Something is chewing at me today. I've done a lot of detaching from xw but sometimes I just don't feel right. I've posted a lot about xw's dislike for my family. The best we ever got along was when my family was out of my life. When my family was part of my life xw made life very difficult. She would always make sure I was off balance as far as our r/s went. I never felt safe in us, it would go good than she would say " just bc things are going good, doesn't mean they are good. What are you going to do about your family? After we were married it got worse, it was hell. When xw left she told me I could thank my family, I chose them over her and my son. That devistated me. Is loyality to your partner and children mean putting your extended family out of your life? My priority was my wife and children but in xw's eyes as long as my extended family was in my life than her and our son were not a priority. It was very confusing. Xw bf seems very dedicated to her every whim. Is that what a r/s is? She has that poor man wrapped up in so much drama and her is behind her to the end it seems. She will treat him like gold. She can be a very wonderful person but she can go to the far end of the scale and make life a pure living hell.

[bus boy]

Something is chewing at me today. I've done a lot of detaching from xw but sometimes I just don't feel right. I've posted a lot about xw's dislike for my family. The best we ever got along was when my family was out of my life. When my family was part of my life xw made life very difficult. She would always make sure I was off balance as far as our r/s went. I never felt safe in us, it would go good than she would say " just bc things are going good, doesn't mean they are good. What are you going to do about your family? After we were married it got worse, it was hell. When xw left she told me I could thank my family, I chose them over her and my son. That devistated me. Is loyality to your partner and children mean putting your extended family out of your life? My priority was my wife and children but in xw's eyes as long as my extended family was in my life than her and our son were not a priority. It was very confusing. Xw bf seems very dedicated to her every whim. Is that what a r/s is? She has that poor man wrapped up in so much drama and her is behind her to the end it seems. She will treat him like gold. She can be a very wonderful person but she can go to the far end of the scale and make life a pure living hell.

[Mutt]

Xw bf seems very dedicated to her every whim. Is that what a r/s is?

I think that he's more controllable, it sounds like he needs to do some self work.  Friends and family are people that love you unconditionally, we can self protect against people that are family, friends, exes that aren't respecting our boundaries, from what you've shared it sounds like you have a good family, do you think maybe that she was jealous of the r/s's that you have with your family? Do you think that she may of felt shame because you have healthy r/s' with family?

[bus boy]

 Hi Mutt, my Xw from what I saw or knew has a good r/s with her family, mom, dad, sister, brother and niece. Who knows. If you walked in our house you would say Mr and Mrs bus boy get along great. Maybe she's the great pretender. She's ashamed of something. She distorts things, for example she told me her grandmother was a drunk. Her grandmother is not a drunk. She told me her aunt was a drunk. Her aunt never drank in her life. Xw to this day insists my mom and sister are drunks. Nothing further from the truth. That's Xw's reasoning for not talking to her grandmother, she's a drunk. Strangely the only alcoholic in her family, a very bad chronic alcoholic, Xw will talk to, the only member of her extended family she will talk to. I use to go out of my mind listening to Xw and her sister, everyone was a thief, a lier, drunk, ignorant, or stunned, rude, looser and on like that. I use to be scared to mention someone's name for fear of what she had to say about them. Coworkers, truck drivers, Frenchman, she had something to say about everyone.

Xw must be able to control her BF, the things he does or she gets him to do are things that should in normal r/s's raise red flags. Sooner or later he is going to see that the math isn't adding up. If I met a woman and she involved me deep into her children's life when they had a father or had me following her ex husband, my alarm bells would go off. Especially now where I have developed boundaries and have learned so much about myself and NPD/ BPD.

[Mutt]

She's got a good r/s with your her family and she splits family members black that trigger anxiety and stress. Let me put it to you another way.

She's hyper critical, has low self worth and self esteem and chronic feelings of shames. She feels defective and has critical voice in her head that plans on a loop that tells her that she's no good.

I think seeing you relate with others easily, happily, lovingly brings up feelings about herself that reminds her that she's not good because sh relate with you the same way. Make sense?

[bus boy]

Yes, it does make sense. I get along with most everyone. In the work place many people don't like Xw. When we were together she would criticize me on how I got along with people, she often told me no one liked me. When ever someone said something positive about my character Xw would have a belittling remark. Xw is always quick to comment that this person or that person is a drunk but not to many around the community can match the booze Xw's father drank in his life.