Passive aggressive social media smear?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So has anyone else out there endured the passive aggressive social media smear? 

My BPD/NPDstbexw keeps posting things like fortune cookie fortunes about better things to come or woman's affirmation quote posters about peace and less drama etc, etc, etc... .all obviously used to point fingers at me and see how may people will "like" it or give her that uplifting comment.  I'm almost 50 years old and to me this seems so blatantly passive aggressive and juvenile or am I missing something?

NS

[NewStart]

So has anyone else out there endured the passive aggressive social media smear? 

My BPD/NPDstbexw keeps posting things like fortune cookie fortunes about better things to come or woman's affirmation quote posters about peace and less drama etc, etc, etc... .all obviously used to point fingers at me and see how may people will "like" it or give her that uplifting comment.  I'm almost 50 years old and to me this seems so blatantly passive aggressive and juvenile or am I missing something?

NS

[Mr.R.Indignation]

Not experienced it myself, but I've never even looked at her social media unless she's made an effort to show me something. What I do know is that she would post pictures showing more cleavage to spite controlling exes who didn't like it, and she did continually make passive aggressive twitter posts about them.

She would, however, slyly mention things I'd said to other people, asking select agreeables what they thought and making subtle changes to statements, and would use their negative responses in an attempt to justify her rages. Was worst when it happened publicly because I couldn't defend myself with the facts if I wanted to retain anonymity and avoid an argument.

Even if there's a genuine reason to be p'd at you, it is incredibly immature to parade it around. The great irony of talking about 'less drama' on social media is that it's an inherently dramatic act.

[eprogeny]

It could be passive aggressiveness or it could just be self-affirming behavior. Either one would be fairly typical of a breakup, FYI.  It's the aggressive aggressive ones that are worse, tbh.  I know it is hard to do but the healthiest thing to do is to avoid her social media.  I had to do that - started weaning myself from it by only allowing myself 3 looks at her stuff a day and then reduced it from there.  It didn't take long for me to realize I was a lot happier when I wasn't seeing her posts - whether they were intended for me or not.

[NewStart]

N

The great irony of talking about 'less drama' on social media is that it's an inherently dramatic act.

Haha, I love that as that is exactly what I was thinking!

As silly as it all is... .still hurts that an adult is putting this out there and other adults are stroking her ego and supporting it... .

NS

[NewStart]

You are 110% correct that I shouldn't look at her social media. Twice since October and both times it didn't feel very good. One part that really hurts are some of the people who are apparently supporting her... .not really sure what their motivations are... .but it still hurts

[Torched]

Yep, living it right now.  She is posting at least one "he's a liar" or "people who hurt you and then claim you hurt them" meme every couple of days.  Everyone we know who has no idea she's BPD thinks I'm the criminal.  Takes a lot of restraint not to comment and I think it is best for me if I unfriend her so I'm not even tempted to look.  Problem is that I'm worried what kind of crap she'll throw on there if she knows I can't see it

 She has also started parading her new relationship that she immediately began with my groomed acquaintance she used to flirt with online.

[Mr.R.Indignation]

Oh Torched, you fogey! Why unfriend when you can unfollow?

"Visit the friend's profile and unfollow them there. Just click on their profile pic, go to their profile page and you'll see something like this: [google image here] That means you're following them and their posts can show up in your news feed. Just click the "Following" button to unfollow them."

Problem solved! Her posts shouldn't get sent to your feed, and unless she checks really hard it's unlikely she'll be any the wiser that you're not seeing her posts. Although personally I'm not sure her thinking you can't see her posts would be a bad thing - surely she'd just redirect her anger at someone else?

And pfshhh, NS! Adults are children growing up, not children grown up. We've all still got things to learn, so try to forgive them their ignorance. At least you know where the wisdom's at, and if anyone who matters to you does too, they'll realise what does and doesn't add up when presented with the evidence. Stay strong, fella. You too, Torched.

[Torched]

LOL thanks R.

[Turkish]

My ex did this while she was still living with me and the kids,  in another r/s. I blocked her.  Case closed.

[infjEpic]

So has anyone else out there endured the passive aggressive social media smear? 

Yes, around New Years, she was doing it.
I had her blocked anyway, but mutual acquaintances told me about it.

It was a photo of her before me, with me and after me. And some petty passive aggressive insults.
Anyone who saw it said to me it made her look really childish and petty.

It did stoke up some anger for a bit.
It was like her final gift in a way - gave impetus for me to dig deep & work through those last feelings, be grateful for the experience with her, forgive her, and reach a point of feeling 'over it'.
So that was like the final wave of anger, before I felt 'over it'.

2 things that came out of that last wave were:
A) I had felt compelled to talk about my story and my experiences. Doing it on Social Media seemed like a really bad idea. And for such a normally private person, I had regretted how much I had blabbed in the aftermath of the BPD R/S, but I was in a state of shock
B) I wanted to help others who were going through what I went through.

This forum provides a constructive outlet for both.

[NewStart]

Everyone we know who has no idea she's BPD thinks I'm the criminal.

This is what is really starting to get at me, she has been so incredibly artful at painting me as a bad person... .and the crazy part is I have no idea what that narrative is?  All I know if that there are people who look the other way when I waive, no longer respond to my texts or worse yet scowl at me when I say hello.

Really have to say her crazy making is starting to get to me... .

[NewStart]

It was like her final gift in a way - gave impetus for me to dig deep & work through those last feelings, be grateful for the experience with her, forgive her, and reach a point of feeling 'over it'.

Well, I'm doing my best to work through things and be at peace on the other side... .however, my uBPD/NPDstbexw is not only smearing me, after only two and a half years together she's also trying to take 1/2 of everything I own... .yeah, a high conflict court battle on the horizon... .not sleeping much trying to process what it is that I did to deserve this... .trying to process the possibility of losing a large portion of my life savings at 48... .yeah, it's going to be hard to be grateful and forgive her... .

NS

[infjEpic]

... yeah, it's going to be hard to be grateful and forgive her... .

It is.
It's probably the hardest thing I guess. Requires mental gymnastics tbh.
It's for yourself tho - not for them.

Unlikely that you are going to be able to reach this place until after that court battle has concluded.
Until then, try to find things to be grateful for about your life now.
Replace negativity with positivity... .This is extremely difficult I know, but it's worth the effort

[NewStart]

Unlikely that you are going to be able to reach this place until after that court battle has concluded.
Until then, try to find things to be grateful for about your life now.
Replace negativity with positivity... .This is extremely difficult I know, but it's worth the effort

Yes, this is the only way to try to proceed... .I was telling a good friend this weekend, even if I end up losing my home and in an apartment, at least I will have myself back... .

That said, hard to think about forgiving a woman who threatened over a year ago, "watch your step or I'll take your home and you can scrape together the last of your pennies and crawl into a $#%&y apartment with your boys, I bet they'd love that!"

Here is to finding peace through this process... .

NS

[infjEpic]

That said, hard to think about forgiving a woman who threatened over a year ago, "watch your step or I'll take your home and you can scrape together the last of your pennies and crawl into a $#%&y apartment with your boys, I bet they'd love that!"

This is little consolation... .but at some stage, you will probably actually be grateful your ex was the sociopathic type rather than the depressive type. It's honestly a blessing in disguise and I only realised that recently.

Looking around this forum - you see countless people who cannot maintain NC.
They build pathetic NC defensive walls, the walls keep crumbling, or they tear down the wall themselves.
They keep getting recycled and getting hurt worse and worse.
They're in a deep pit of despair and inertia.
They have no protection.

We on the other hand - were granted some level of mercy from that flesh eating turmoil.
We have seen with our own eyes and heard with our own ears - the nasty, vindictive demon that resides within the BPD enigma.
We get to be angry instead of self destruct.
We get to laugh at the absurdity of their ludicrous recycling attempts.
Our NC protection barrier is 1000% stronger from the get go.
They can't hurt us anymore - not in the way they once did anyway.

It's a million times easier to walk away from the sociopath.

[NewStart]

but at some stage, you will probably actually be grateful your ex was the sociopathic type rather than the depressive type.

So what are the basic pieces that differentiate a sociopath from a depressive type?

[Torched]

This is little consolation... .but at some stage, you will probably actually be grateful your ex was the sociopathic type rather than the depressive type. It's honestly a blessing in disguise and I only realised that recently.

Looking around this forum - you see countless people who cannot maintain NC.
They build pathetic NC defensive walls, the walls keep crumbling, or they tear down the wall themselves.
They keep getting recycled and getting hurt worse and worse.
They're in a deep pit of despair and inertia.
They have no protection.

We on the other hand - were granted some level of mercy from that flesh eating turmoil.
We have seen with our own eyes and heard with our own ears - the nasty, vindictive demon that resides within the BPD enigma.
We get to be angry instead of self destruct.
We get to laugh at the absurdity of their ludicrous recycling attempts.
Our NC protection barrier is 1000% stronger from the get go.
They can't hurt us anymore - not in the way they once did anyway.

It's a million times easier to walk away from the sociopath.

Thanks for that quote.  I believe my exBPDw is this type.  Very nasty and unable to maintain other than very shallow, temporary friendships outside her necessary love attachment to me and her new victim.  My family has always seen it because they were close enough to it... .and they keep saying "just wait--she's going to show everyone in their own time exactly what she is eventually... .she can't help it."

[infjEpic]

So what are the basic pieces that differentiate a sociopath from a depressive type?

The term sociopath isn't used clinically, but it represents people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder traits & in  particular pronounced Anti-Social Personality Disorder traits.

Depressive types are often low-functioning, and more likely to self harm.
Sociopathic types are often high-functioning, and more likely to attempt to harm others.

[infjEpic]

Thanks for that quote.  I believe my exBPDw is this type.  Very nasty and unable to maintain other than very shallow, temporary friendships outside her necessary love attachment to me and her new victim. 

Inability to retain a job is another sign - mine had 4 different employers in the short time I knew her.

[once removed]

So what are the basic pieces that differentiate a sociopath from a depressive type?

conduct disorder, for one, but the differences are innumerable.

heres the thing: most of our former partners have traits, but are not clinically BPD and would not be diagnosed by a professional. it makes them no less difficult for us, but its important that we not go down the rabbit hole of diagnosing our exes or someone elses ex with something like ASPD.

if you want to better understand BPD, comorbidity, the differences in personality disorders, it is wise to stick to clinical information. James Masterson's Search For The Real Self : Unmasking The Personality Disorders Of Our Age is a good clinical place to start. additionally, there is great information here in the Diagnosis + Treatment button in the top left corner of your screen, and the Psychology of Personality Disorders board as well.

[SheAskedForaBreak]

It's best to avoid monitoring your ex's social media output. 

[NewStart]

It's best to avoid monitoring your ex's social media output.

I couldn't agree more, I've checked it twice since October and both times it kind of put me back on my heals.  The basic sniffing around for sympathy and support while simultaneously directing blame at me.  Have to say it hurt and have to say that some of the people that "liked" and commented... .well that was disappointing to see as well.

Note to self, stay away from her social media and know that time will tell the truth to anyone who matters.

NS

[infjEpic]

heres the thing: most of our former partners have traits, but are not clinically BPD and would not be diagnosed by a professional. it makes them no less difficult for us, but its important that we not go down the rabbit hole of diagnosing our exes or someone elses ex with something like ASPD.

Good post and good call - it's too easy to generalise and apply labels (and too inaccurate when I read back through what I posted in this thread).
I'm trying to stop myself doing it - but sometimes nasty just won't cut it.

Thanks for bumping those other threads also btw, I don't necessarily agree with some of the content in there, but food for thought nonetheless.

[Aesir]

I just unfollowed my ex on Facebook.  I have not had any direct contact with her sense November and she suddenly took issue with my agreeing with or sharing other friends memes. She directly accused me on facebook when I agreed to what a relative had posted. It was passive aggressive but she had found a way to attack me.  Today she replied to several of my friends posts and made references to our relationship. She didn't mention me by name but it was plainly meant for me to see.

On the flipside I generally never went to any of her friend's posts and commented. She did this to specifically to attack me. She is still playing the blame game and is the injured party in her mind.

[Torched]

On the flipside I generally never went to any of her friend's posts and commented. She did this to specifically to attack me. She is still playing the blame game and is the injured party in her mind.

Yep.  Social media is a BPD personality's greatest 21st century crutch and weapon.