Fiance left me while pregnant and already got married

[Jrow8585]

So a couple months ago my fiance came to me out of the blue and said she wanted to end the engagement. She was at the time five and a half months pregnant with my daughter and now she is just over seven months pregnant. I was living with her in her house and she wanted me to leave right away. I was very confused and later found out that she was coordinating everything with her ex fiance and now they are already married. She is moving to Memphis in the next week or two and trying to make him the legal father and shut me out.

I met her in November of 2023 and she was the most amazing, upbeat, kind, smart and beautiful person I’d ever met. I met her on a Christian dating app and she proclaimed to be very religious and her Bible has writing on almost every page. She love bombed me like I have never seen before. She wanted me to move in after a month and was saying I love you within a couple weeks. She was also wanting to go to the courthouse and get married after just one month. We got engaged on February 10th, just a few months in. We really didn’t fight but I could feel her pulling away a bit in the last couple months of our relationship. In the beginning the intimacy was inane and all the time and then it dropped off shortly after she got pregnant. She told me it was the baby stealing her libido and I believed her. She has a very addictive personality and is a thrill secure. She did some drugs when she was younger and was very open about all of her past transgressions. She had a marriage of ten years and when that ended she got engaged within eight weeks, then she ended that engagement and got engaged to another man (her now husband) within six weeks. She met me shortly after she ended the engagement with her now husband and then left me for him. Since the breakup she has been telling her friends and family that I’m a terrible degenerate gambler and that I ran away/moved out and she couldn’t get a hold of me, all blatant lies. She has blocked me and the rest of my family in an attempt to shut us out of my daughter’s life.

Anyways, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and it has left me depressed and seeking answers. Do you think she fits the mold for borderline personality disorder? I’m trying to make sense of everything

[Hlinthewiking]

Sorry you are going through this. Seems really rough. Have you sought legal counseling yet? If she's trying to shut you out of your child's life, it might be prudent, even if it doesn't become necessary.

It does sound like she has a lot of symptoms or comorbidities with a cluster B personality disorder, which includes BPD, but it's hard to diagnose someone like this. People with narcissistic tendencies tend to like to adhere adjectives/labels that they deem positive, even if it doesn't represent them, their actions or their beliefs. So many times there might be contradictions, conflicting ideas and make no sense. My ex for example said she was demi sexual, but told me many stories and displayed many characteristics of someone promiscuous. So your ex could see being Christian as a positive label that she wants to use, but doesn't necessarily fits her actions or beliefs.

If you think understanding a bit more about her will make it easier, you could read up on Cluster B personality disorders. But despite any diagnosis, her actions and beliefs are what they are. She does and did what she did and things are what they are. It's really hard to process the loss of someone you care about in these conditions. Specially when a child is involved. Just don't be harsh on yourself to get better before you can. Take the proper legal arrangements and take your time. Things will get better eventually. Sometimes when we love someone, we can deny things that are right in front of us and when it finally hits, it hits hard.

[seekingtheway]

Hi jrow, welcome to the board and thank you for sharing your story.

Sounds like you're in a tough spot, and no wonder you're looking for answers. I imagine you'll be grieving the loss of a relationship that was very important to you and you believed had a future, as well as being thoroughly confused about what just happened and what would lead someone to behave in that way.

Are you being supported by your own network as you try and heal and make some sense of this?

In terms of whether it fits the mould for BPD - certainly her behaviour in recent months sounds to have been quite unstable and that's something you see in so many of the stories on these boards, so you're in good company.

Have you had a look through the information on the site in terms of how BPD presents in relationships? Does it ring any bells for you?

Am I right in thinking you have absolutely no way of contacting your ex in the lead-up to the birth of the baby?

Please know you're not alone. Please keep reading and posting. There's plenty of people here who understand.