My baby is only 5 months old and the parent with suspected bpd began to demand 50/50 contact and told me I should stop breastfeeding. He’s not seen his baby for almost 3 weeks now.
In the best of scenarios breastfeeding should be a joint cooperative effort by both parents. Sadly, he's not cooperative. In this situation, you decide how you nurse your baby. It is undeniable that a mother's nursing is far better than any factory-produced formula or even milk from animals such as cows, etc.
Why this demand? Perhaps he sees your nursing removes your focus from self-centered him to the baby's needs? Could his demands be a way of him seeking control of you? Many here have reported that childbirth and subsequent child care changed the prior relationship of just two people. Perceptions and self-oriented entitlement are a big part of an acting-out disordered person's life.
That said, him demanding equal time with an infant is unreasonable, especially where the adult relationship is fracturing. You would be smart to maintain primary care (primary custody) and majority time (parenting schedule).
One reason kells76 asked for your legal relationship status is so you are prepared and know where you stand legally in case this does eventually end up in family court.
This may be the time to be very careful in sharing our insights, experience and strategies. I'm referring to sharing TMI - too much information. You do have a right to privacy and confidentiality. His demands do not negate your own rights.
An example to be cautious about what you share in case your partner decides to use shared information to sabotage you... Family courts generally do default to mothers when the children are babies and toddlers. It makes sense, especially if the mother is the more stable and reasonably normal parent. But when it comes to determining how to apportion parenting time, breastfeeding itself may not as big a consideration, or so it seems in many cases. After all, a nursing mother can express her milk and freeze it for times when the child is in the father's care. Many working mothers do that even in stable family relationships. So probably breastfeeding is not the sole reason to keep a father's parenting reduced.
When he makes his demands, is that in person, over text, email, phone call, something else?
You are being asked what
documentation you have for his demands as well as your responses. If you should eventually end up in family court and the professionals have to decide how to handle it, they won't give a lot of weight to unsupported or unsubstantiated claims. They would seek
documentation and evidence or any recommendations from responsible other sources (doctors, counselors, social services, etc).
