Regaining trust?

[scribble]

I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend that I think he might have BPD. I withheld it for a long time but he is getting to a dangerous point where he needs help, he’s self-destructive and has suicidal thoughts. I was trying to encourage him to get help and help him understand there may be solutions to his suffering. Now he will barely speak to me. Does anyone have experience with this? Are there ways I might regain his trust? I had good intentions but didn’t know better ways to go about it at the time. I’m very concerned. When I do communicate with him I just try to encourage him to get connected with a therapist because he has said he knows he needs to. It’s just hard to take that first step. I don’t want to push too hard but I also don’t want to give up. Please help. Thanks.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hi scribble and

Glad you found us and were ready to reach out for support; having a suicidal partner is a huge weight on you, and one that so many members here understand.

I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend that I think he might have BPD. I withheld it for a long time but he is getting to a dangerous point where he needs help, he’s self-destructive and has suicidal thoughts. I was trying to encourage him to get help and help him understand there may be solutions to his suffering. Now he will barely speak to me.

Do the two of you live together or separately?

Is he reacting in any other way besides not talking to you?

[scribble]

Thanks for the reply. We have been in an on and off again relationship that has been long distance for the past few months. His behavior suggests to me that he’s at increased risk. The holidays are hard for him. For a while he was telling me he was trying to find a therapist but he stopped responding when I asked if he was still working on that, which makes me think he might not be. I know his drug and alcohol use has increased, or did for a while. But now we aren’t communicating at all. I asked him if he wanted to keep communicating and he told me to give him some time. So I don’t think there’s anything I can do except give him space. Is there?? I have contact with a couple of his friends but I don’t get the feeling they take it as seriously.

I feel worried for his safety, powerless. He still isn’t diagnosed and I only recently started learning about BPD. I’m glad I’ve learned what I have because even if it’s not his diagnosis, he certainly has symptoms, it explains so much and the information has helped me learn better ways to support. If only I had known earlier. I am working with a therapist on my feelings. I just want to make sure I am doing all I can to try to make sure he’s safe and not do anything that would do any harm.