Confirmation Bias~

[Bamboo]

While not brand new to this forum, I am a relative newbie and not sure where else this might fit. Reading and sharing here has given me incredible insight into my wife's behavior. Members' stories about their relationships with pwBPD are eerily similar to my own experiences during a fourteen year relationship.

Thing is, my wife has never been diagnosed with BPD (as far as I know). Her mother is BPD. There was maternal abandonment/abuse and trauma throughout her childhood. She was misdiagnosed with bi-polar before we met. Cutting. Splitting. Unstable relationships with family members and friends.

I realize I am in no position to diagnose my wife with BPD. From my reading it seems even some trained professionals are hesitant to diagnose.

So could there be confirmation bias at work? If stories shared here help me(us) in some way -- help make sense of confounding behaviors, help us feel not so alone -- does it matter?

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Bamboo:   
Don't get hung up on the label.  The diagnosis is somewhat subjective. You will hear accounts where people have gotten a different diagnosis each time they change therapists. Whether someone is a high-functioning BPD, low-functioning BPD or just has some traits, the communication skills will be helpful.  Actually, the skills are handy to use with normal people in your daily life.  You stand to develop a higher  emotional IQ.

Focus on managing the behaviors. Don't worry about a label, unless you need it for insurance purposes.

[Turkish]

Agreed with NN, and it took me a year (maybe two) in order to step back from the "diagnosis" and focus on how I dealt with the behaviors on my side. I can neither control the behaviors of another,  nor certainly change a diagnosis. I can only work on me.  When my mother admitted to me that she was BPD. When she did,  it was anticlimatic.

Based upon my own journey here, I'd say it matters (learning the tools,  which work on anybody,  really, PD'd or not), then it doesnt... .then it might. There are many great tools here,  as well as support,  but at the end of the day,  it's focusing on ourselves which matters: facing the facts.  We can only really change ourselves.  

T