revealing the secret

[eightdays]

I have been thinking a lot about this recently.   When I filed for divorce from my wife it was because I believed she has traits of BPD and other emotional problems that I don't think were going to be things we could resolve.   I believed she was a threat to my well being and I did not feel safe.   I heard and read quite a bit, there was nothing good to be gained by sharing my perspective, and I saw the wisdom of that in that context.   So I kept it private and only shared this with a few trusted friends.

The context is different now.   There are no kids, and we are not together.  So we don't have complications in that area but we are involved in protracted litigation and are not on speaking terms.   My ex though, instead of establishing some distance from me when she moved out stayed close by and began getting involved in my social circles in what appeared to be attempts to find negative advocates and isolate me from my own community.   She is now involved with someone who was a friend of mine for several years.    I wondered at first why he didn't say anything to me about it, and it appears that she told him very little about us or our marriage and that we split amicably.    He said to me recently that he hoped this wasn't going to be hard for me, them being involved and my response was that, if he was curious I would talk about that with him.   I think he knows now that things were not as she descibed between us.   I know I must assume anything I say to him if he were to take me up on that would get back to my wife.   But then I thought, does this really matter anymore?   It is just my opinion what I believe about her, and maybe it doesn't matter at all if she learns the real reason I left.   But it might help people understand where I am coming from, and honestly if I was in his position 10 years ago I would have wanted to hear it.   Yes he is an adult and make his own decisions.   So was I, and I did not understand what I was getting into.