Greetings BPD family,
I'm seeking support.
My 27 y/o daughter whose displayed criteria for BPD since age 12, recently went into RTC treatment, and I believe she was finally properly diagnosed after 13+ years of self harm, SI and Suicide attempts, as well as overall risky behavior, violent outbursts, and utter chaos. I had to sit and cry for a few minutes after I got the news she'd received this diagnosis from the RTC she was willing to go to after 10 years of not having treatment for her mental health and substance-use disorder issues.
I think I came in here to find support and validation, as well as not to feel so alone as I have for the past 13+ years, especially with no professionals seeming to get her criteria. I've lost myself in many ways over the years trying to "save" and help her and over the past 10 months, after a few years of focusing more on my own well-being I got the inner sos to show up for her at a deeper and "don't give up on her this time" kind of level, which appears to be paying off. The only challenge is that while in treatment, she went AWOL and left one day, but came back. The reality is she's in an unfamiliar town and has trauma from living on the streets over the past few years. Yesterday, she had a breakthrough with her therapist's support, and it's only week 2 in the RTC, and she shared how she's grateful for this opportunity. Then, today I got a call; she's hating it again, and this has been how her life has been in general. I remembered her, and most BPD people often engage in "splitting", idealizing, or devaluing someone or a situation, and that this is normal for her as she's done it most of her life. Where I'm at is I know I need support and tools to rebuild my foundation and set healthy boundaries with her now that she's in treatment. I'm seeking guidance on how to break chaos patterns, stop trying to save my daughter, and learn to live with her BPD.
I want her to learn self-regulation and learn how to rely on herself, and I've become quite enmeshed and feel attached and responsible for her outcome because I fought for her to get into the RTC for the past 2+ months, and even crossed my own limit and let her live with me. I'm ready to live my own life and focus on my own well-being and joy, now. I'm reminded here that I require my own healing and self-regulation and that this is my opportunity now. I'd love any book recommendations, support group suggestions, or other resources for moms and parents. I have a music career, and I'm a Voice & creativity coach, and I'm 50 years young, ready for my next chapter. I have a great therapist, yet I want to be pre-emptive and give myself more support and be prepared for when my daughter calls like that- so I can be stronger for myself and her. Thanks for hearing me.
A Mom who loves her daughter, and who's remembering to <3 herself
