possible point of no turning back

[BPDstinks]

(this is not a sympathy bid!) I had to put (my BPD daughter's) dog, who became MY dog "to sleep" on 2/3/26 (when she moved out, I "inherited Hazel...and grew to LOVE that dog); Hazel was diagnosed with diabetes and became blind a little over 3 years ago, before pwBPD ceased contact, I received a lengthy text about the need to "put her to sleep, and not be selfish because I wanted a dog (note:  Hazel's age was unknown, at the time, maybe 9 years old and she was in otherwise great health); fast forward, 3 years of constant vet visits, insulin shots, etc. (by me) not ONE check in by pwBPD, on 2/3/26, despite being advised NOT to contact her, my husband (apologized profusely to me, however, it WAS an emergency, b/c Hazel collapsed and we think she had a seizure....I took her to an emergency vet....it was just so very awful) texted pwBPD and said "Hazel might be "put to sleep", she is with your Mom...."; I simply cannot believe this....she NEVER responded, not to him, not to check in, not to say goodbye to her dog; again, I don't pretend to understand BPD....I asked my mother, who pwBPD speaks to if, pwBPD was aware, b/c I feel it is important she knows (as it is on FB and pwBPD might see it); she knows...told my mother, she hopes she received "diligent care"; I feel that this is the point of no return; I took EXCELLENT care of MY dog...that is so hurtful; I am tearing up just typing this...this has been 8 days & I am was literally sick over it....I don't want to turn this into a memorial for my Hazel...can ANYone say, is THIS too far gone, is THIS salvageable? (yes, I talked to my therapist, but I wonder if REAL people know!) because I can empathize with cutting off PEOPLE but...your DOG? I guess I would think she would CHECK? I just don't even know where (if anywhere) to go...at this point, she has ostracized EVERYone, (her poor nieces ask about her all the time...they are young, I don't know how to explain this) except the people who treated her poorly (make sense of THAT?!)

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Pook075]

I'm so sorry your dog passed away.  It's perfectly normal to grieve, and its unfortunate that your daughter doesn't want to grieve with you. 

Just because she doesn't call doesn't mean that she didn't care about the dog though.

[BPDstinks]

Thank you....I know that is true....I just feel the natural "reaction" would be to respond; my husband gave her plenty of time (in self-analyzing...(I, admittedly minus BPD) would welcome the chance to (my other daughter Face Timed and said GOOD bye) try to say goodbye....something/anything

[ForeverDad]

You did what you could.  No one should fault you for that.

Closure may have to be something you Gift to yourself since you know you the mental gymnastics game a person with BPD traits (pwBPD) can too often twist or guilt about.

[Pook075]

Thank you....I know that is true....I just feel the natural "reaction" would be to respond; my husband gave her plenty of time (in self-analyzing...(I, admittedly minus BPD) would welcome the chance to (my other daughter Face Timed and said GOOD bye) try to say goodbye....something/anything

Maybe, just remember that "natural" for you doesn't mean "natural" for someone with BPD.  Your daughter carries her own mental scars and what she feels is best for her will be exactly what she does.

I think the big picture here is not to take it personally.  We can't predict what mental health will lead someone to do and for that reason, we shouldn't try to carry it as our burden either.  When your kid is ready, she will reach out and there will be a chance to heal the relationship. 

It has to be on her timelines though because, once again, she's mentally ill and not seeing everything objectively.

[BPDstinks]

I thank you, for the advice!  My best friend calls it a "vampire" and says don't let "anyone" suck the joy out of you; I guess I just wait for ANY loop hole where pwBPD would reach out and than, I am, again, disappointed!  So....seeing as I thought, THIS would be it, I think I am mentally prepared that ANYthing will be unlikely....I shall continue to send a bday card, etc. however, am ceasing with the texts, IF pwBPD wants to come around, I shall have an open arm