Ugh, where to go from here

[JLebowski]

I'm in a marital relationship that has become a rollercoaster. Really good times then really bad times. I can agree that every relationship has ups and downs but what tends to happen with me is the good times are overshadowed by the constant possibility that thing could take a turn for the worse in a matter of minutes. Today for example, I got yelled at because I wasn't helping with the laundry. Well, my wife NEVER asks for help because she has a very specific way of doing things. I kind of stay out of that territory because I get yelled at when I do it wrong. So, why should today be any different? But for her this was unimaginable that I didn't offer to help. Now, I am happy to help when asked but otherwise, I can't read minds. This led to an all day stonewalling after a shouting match which is totally not my style. I believe in talking things out. Then when she finally came around, I got accused of a myriad of things. Things like "you never take initiative, you rely on me to do everything, you say I should manage my stress better but how can I do that when you are the cause of my stress."

It seems her level of anger never matches the situation. I have been crapped on for the things I have done, for the things I have not done and for the thoughts I didn't have but should have. I just don't understand how someone can go from loving caring and nurturing to evil, disrespectful and bullying. 

I'm feeling like I cannot do this anymore. Like I said, even the good times are not so good because of the looming feeling that anger could be seconds away. I've been disrespected, screamed at, ignored, and often made to feel like complete crap.

Usually I keep my cool... .sometimes I can't. And nothing seems to calm the situation when her anger is present. And the most odd thing to me is that she is always demanding an apology but rarely can offer one to me.

Seriously... .I don't know what to do here.
Thanks

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ArleighBurke]

She could possible have BPD - hard to know. But the techniques on this site should help your relationship either way.

BPD people always look outwards to find the "reasons" for them being unhappy/angry/etc. They rarely find fault with themselves.

Read lots about BPD. In my opinion, BPD is just "being ruled by emotions rather than logic". So the world IS whatever she feels. You can work with this! Validation is a communication skill to learn  - find it on the banner on the right. Really, it means ignoring her actual words, and listening instead to the feelings behind her words to understand her. It should help a lot as a first step.