Need support

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Oh and I forgot to mention - he claims he cheated on me with this girl because I did not offer him a place to stay when he got out of prison cus he didnt think I was serious about us

[HelpHelpDepartin]

Oh and I forgot to mention - he claims he cheated on me with this girl because I did not offer him a place to stay when he got out of prison cus he didnt think I was serious about us

[HelpHelpDepartin]

Can I tell my story here- its long so I apologize- I just need support ASAP
Hi,
Sometimes in life I need to hear it from others for it to sink in. And that’s where I am today. I had a dating service for men in prison. And one of my customers told me 6 months after being my customer that he loved me and thought about me all the time and wanted to shut down his search and risk losing my help to gain me as a friend. He told me he was willing to take the chance because he felt in his heart he truly loved me. And allot of sweet words that I fell for. He said he was faithful and wore his heart on his sleeve. He has displayed many signs of greatness in the 6 months I knew him so I felt drawn to him and had feelings for him myself. 
Once he got home I started catching him in small lies. Like when he claimed he loved me and took off his woman friend on his list but come to find out he never did. BTW he was in prison 17 years for having a gun charge after getting caught selling drugs charge.
Instead of letting him move with me I lied  and told him the rental office was questioning him not being on the lease so I he stayed longer in the half way house then he had hoped for. And when it was time to get released I helped him find a room to rent at a recovery house.
He would be mean when I called him them get mad if I didn’t call him. He started having girls call his cell phone and he claimed his adult kids were giving their mothers and old babysitters his number. His daughter cussed me out for calling back her mom one time because I wanted to know who called saying I love you on his voicemail. I just hung up I did not argue back with her. One time I checked his voicemail and it was from a girl so I called her back and found out he was with her and me at same time. She lived far so he would go up to stay the night with her or bring her local and keep her at a hotel. Same girl he claimed he took off his list.
So we broke up and he called texted emailed me how sorry he was and how miserable his life was without me. One day he claimed it was an emergency for me to call him and I fell into the trap and called back then met him then started dating him again.

I put a voice recorder in his room and heard him talking to girls, talking about being with a girl, telling him mom what a pain in his rear I was and how he wished I would stop coming around, and how I snored like a horse and when his mom asked him did he love me he said I just wana hold a woman at night plus I am going at paying bills.

When I approached him with it he never took responsibility, he just said how wrong I was for violating his privacy. So we broke up again but he came running back saying he couldn’t live without me. Then I found out he had a face book and when I questioned him he denied it. Then when I approached him with pictures he said I was a stalker and and that I should be happy he has a face book versus a dating website.
When he runs back he says he’s so miserable without me then I find out he was dating living and partying with other girls and when I question him he says we were broke up so it’s irrelevant.

He has a girl cousin and his best friends son (both in 30’s that he is close to) they both have him on their main fb page and a lot of girls ask about him and make comments and I told him that’s rude and he says I’m rude for talking about people behind their back. I even noticed yesterday his daughter put a pic of him on her page and that girl made a comment- she’s even face book friends with her – and when his daughter posted a pic of her dad saying yall think we are twins the old girlfriend chick made a comment say you look just like your handsome father – if I approach him he will say I’m stalking his daughter.

He currently lives with his mom rent free but pays all her bills and buys her so much stuff he stays broke
Plus he buys her new mattresses every 6 months because she is enter happy. Whenever he gets me or himself something she gets jealous and hates what’s she has so he go and buys another one to try to make her happy. He bought her a new cell phone and tablet and makes payments every month and since she got a facebook he is back on. He will tell me he can’t buy groceries then see beer and lottery tickets then suddenly have money

He is an alcoholic. He got caught drinking and driving when we broke up headed to that girls house and lost his license- he is on probation. He works walking distance to his moms and spent over 4000 trying to get a restricted license so he can work- he plays every system – he is on probation and has to breathe it a breathalyzer 4 times a day and yet figured out he can drink 6 beers within hour is test without getting caught- he drinks every chance he gets and will soon be getting a restricted license and taking off the breathalyzer. When he was off all monitoring he drank heavily with his cousin and best friend son and drove often -
Always something new with him 
He posted he was in a relationship and one particular girl posted 7 comments how she was shocked he was in a relationship. She is the sister of a girl who forced him to have sex with an adult as a child btw. He got mad at me when I asked why was she and why she was so surprised to find out has in a relationship.

So we break up again and he comes running back and we get back together and I ask him what’s the relationship expectations and he says no social media and no opposite sex friends (which btw I seem to be the only one supposed to follow any rules) I go check face book and see he took one down to open another one - only this time the girl he claimed he took off the list is one of his friends and she liked and made comments during our break up- so I asked him are they friends now and he says no. I checked his drawer and he had mail from her. He claimed it was a registration since she sold him a vehicle (she sells cars aka lemons) for a living. But when I bust him he claims I’m the bad guy, I’m the stalker. So I put the voice recorder back in his house and although I didn’t bust him being unfaithful I caught him in many lies. I’m convinced he can’t tell the truth is his life depends on it.

I bought him clothes, work shoes, coats, made his resume. Helped him find a great job. When he says I never done anything for him if I remind him of all this and he says I’m throwing it up in his face.

I check his voicemail currently and hear messages with women talking about side work (professional calls) and he will deny he hasn’t talked or seen any women this week. He’s such a great liar.

One day he stayed at my house and he got called into work. He said he would go to work them come back to help me as we had planned on puling carpets for past 7 weeks since he always puts me off. He has a mom btw who is 83 but she gets around great and she even still drives. She gets rude with me if I spend too much time with her 50 year old. I can’t Tex him when they are having coffee together. I can’t bother him until 5:30 as that gives her an uninterrupted hour with her son every evening and everywhere we go even on dates he wants her to go. So anyways, the morning he was at work working he butt dialed me and I heard him tell his moms neighbor how she was looking good and how I wasted a free 7 day trial to a gym and he could have given it to her and how he can’t work sides jobs because I am so jealous. Which all I ask him at times if I feel insecure just call and and say ok love you bye but he comprehends everything I say and do and will call me and say I don’t have time to sit up here and talk you all #^%^&*^ day! He has no patience for me. It’s never a good time to call him and when everyone else calls him he answers happy but when I call he says yes

So back to story (I got so much to say I keep getting sidetracked) when he got back to my house and I approached him with the story he got SUPER PISSED AT ME. Then when I said you was acting like a %^%&^ talking about me bad to a stranger he punched me in my face.

We got back together in October and broke up Feb 28th. By March 1st he had his Face book back up with all the girls he has let destroy us at some point on his friend list and sure enough he takes a pic we took on New Year’s Eve and crops me out and who do you think was first girl out of the 44 girls to like it? And he has yet to change his single status. When I asked him about it he said if you keep talking about face book I’m gona knock you’re new piercing out.

I love him and when we are broke up I stay single and think about the good or who I thought he was and I always go running back sad then within one week he is mis comprehending what I say, he twists all my words, he is very impatient. And we always break up over me digging and finding something which he denies -

Today’s issue is he won’t take his face book down- he says it didn’t change my insecurities last time he took it down so I’m an gona have to learn to trust he is faithful (I told him its disrespectful to me) why do I have to tell a 50 year old what is right or wrong? But his status still says single and when I bring it up he’s like god (^&(^ this topic again I’m done with this topic and he starts getting mean and mad- which is what he does when he gets busted every time. 

He did end up admitted he cheated but blamed me for not having a place to live when he got out of prison which told him I wasnt serious

plus he says he has facebook just for the videos on it but he took our new years pictre (recent one) cropped me out and got 44 likes and comments from old girlfriends and unknown girls and then thanked everybody for the love


I not only don’t know why he does this to only me, or what mental illness he may be suffering with, but I also hate leaving him thinking someone will get a great him. I can’t understand why I am miserable with and without him and choose to stay.

[Mutt]

Hi HelpHelpDepartin,

You're welcome to share with us on this board. I understand how we have a lot to get off of our chests, this forum is a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings with being judged or invalidated, no need to apologize if you get side tracked. It helps to get it out.

I think that it would be challenging if my ex would want to one of her parents on our dates. He sounds really self absorbed, I can see how it would feel confusing with denying his r/s's with other women, I mentioned earlier that it helps to share, it helps to get positive feedback from others and to get validation of you really are. You sound like you're level headed and I think that you want to get off the emotional rollercoaster. We're here to help you.

Have you thought about self protection with no contact? No contact is really about shifting the focus off of someone that is not respecting your boundaries and it's a setting a boundary on yourself where you take time to personal inventory, to take care of yourself and to detach. What are your thoughts? Has it crossed your mind before?‎
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No Contact: The Right Way & The Wrong Way‎