The point is the long term parenting relationship.
Here is the reality: Anything that is accomplished can be undone in an instant. If he finds somebody or something else, he will check out again. I don't see his new found interest or concern to be something that will last. He will get tired of doing the work at some point. The reality is that it is going to fall on my shoulders. I don't have any trust in him or faith in him whatsoever. If I thought there was some kind of hope for the long term parenting relationship, I would still be with him.
The only way things will change is if he finds somebody else to speak for him and tell him what to do. If his mommy tries to "fix" things and help him be a parent, then that might impact things. Or, maybe he will find a new "friend" that will try to help him parent. If either of those things happen, then anything and everything that is done now will be a waste. And, I will likely have to work with that person instead of him.
He is impulsive and inconsistent. Planning anything long term with him seems ridiculous.
He asked what else he could do... .point him to someone else that can lighten your load and do the talking for you.
If he wants to lighten my load, he can buzz off. I don't want or need anybody to do the talking for me. I am done trying to be heard by him. I come up with stupid stuff for him to do around the house IF I feel like I can handle being around him. I have a book or two that I am going to pass along to him. I have asked him to read several books over the years. If he read them, he sure as hell didn't implement anything that he read.
If you don't want to be in same T room with him... .I'm sure an explanation or even an email with the highlights of your parenting method would do.
Dude, I have given him book after book about my parenting methods. I don't have to explain or highlight anything. If he wants to take me to court, let him. If a judge or other person wants to make me explain my parenting methods, fine. Ex got to hear me explain my parenting when we were investigated by CPS several years ago. I don't understand why an explanation or email is necessary. Why are my parenting methods at issue here?
I started this thread because I am irritated with the fact that he is suddenly interested in me and the kids a year later. I find it frustrating. It threw me for a loop. His actions show that he doesn't care about my parenting methods. His actions over the long term show that his sudden remorse and missing us is likely some kind of passing thing because he is bored.
Would you really want him to explain to someone else how you parent?
He can't do it. He can't explain how I parent. I don't use a script. I don't follow some kind of written guidelines that say if x happens, do y. I evaluate each situation on an individual basis and respond accordingly. Since he can't explain it or understand it, I am supposed to go around justifying it and explaining it for a T or somebody else so they can explain it to him? Nope, not going to happen. He is going to say what he wants without regard to whether I give my side or not.
He is going to say and do whatever he wants. I can't go around telling people stuff to prevent him from trying to explain what I do to other people. He is going to explain it how he explains it whether I give any input or not. I am confident in what I do. Let him explain it however he wants to whomever he wants.
Is there much of a chance that a T will help... .I would guess there wouldn't be much change in him... .but you never know.
I see this as magical thinking. Any change that may or may not happen has to be because HE does it on his own without input from me. He is a big boy. He needs to act like it.
The point of my suggestion is not for him... .but for you. I got the sense that his manner and his "I've done everything you asked... .now what?" Kinda questions bugged you... .and perhaps you were tired of trying to answer that question.
Yes, those questions bug me. Yes, I am tired of answering that question. He has used the whole "I have done everything you have asked. What do you want me to do now?" as a way to dismiss me for years. He loves to ask for specific directions and lists and then do that and only that and then wave it in front of me like a good little boy and seek praise. If I am not happy with anything, then I am an impossible to please, demanding monster. I feel like this is a set up for him to play victim again. Here it is a year later and he is acting like nothing has happened and nothing has transpired and he can ask me to tell him what to do and weasel his way back in.
Listen... .you don't owe him anything... .zip zero nada. This is not about him... .it's about you and your kids and a potential pathway that can lighten your load.
The kids and I are doing great without him. Our lives are so much more peaceful and so much less complicated. I am not wanting to run away from kids so I don't really care if he visits with them or not. My kids are of an age where they can look out for each other if I need to run to the store. My load lightened as soon as I kicked him out.
Would you rather he rambles on to you every time he sees you about "I've done everything... ."... .or ramble to someone else? Especially if that someone might point him to take more responsiblity and provide more actual help.
LOL. He is going to ramble to anybody that will listen. If I don't want to listen to him ramble, it is up to me to shut him down and put up boundaries. All I need to do is be consistent in shutting him down. The idea of him taking more responsibility is laughable at best. I don't have much hope for that. Quite frankly, as long as he gives financial support for the kids, I really don't care what he does.
