How to regain our trust of others

[Caretaker2]

... I realize I may have some huge problems going forward with my recent break up. The way my ex was lying to me and how I believed her has really caused me to question my life. I have no concept of fact and fiction anymore. The current president stuff with Russia and whatnot and everyone saying the administration is lying is like a daily trigger for me. The tax return stuff reminds me everyday of asking her to show me her texts to her ex and her withholding them. I would respect her space (didn't last long, snooped eventually) and wouldn't push because I thought I knew she loved me. She would always talk about how gross cheaters are and had conversations very early on that said we would have a discussion and break up with the other if we ever felt like we were going to cheat.

Anyway my question here is kind of broad:

How do I pick a therapist to help through these thoughts? Should I have multiple therapists to help me with each part of this break up? Anger is abundant. I felt ok talking to people for a couple days, now I'm just paranoid of people lying to me. I'm paranoid that me talking about this stuff, or my face showing my feelings of anxiety and the overall darkness that I'm in will just push people away. People are saying I've become more monotone than I was.

So obviously for most stories I've read here, this situation is very typically multifaceted and I am just wondering what my best approach would be going forward. I thought I could read through everything here and feel fine, but I really only feel fine as I'm reading the help. Usually when I go outside or something and feel the cold I feel thoughts of wanting her to come back and just say something to me. I know I wouldn't care to listen because of her deceptive communications, but it feels very drug like. I want to hurt her ex just to get it off my chest. So my ego is probably involved here.

She is probably going to contact me in the next couple of days to want to talk about money and school and other problems I've seemingly "dumped" on her by my leaving.

So to reiterate, what is a good game plan that I could stick to confidently to at least start breaking down the paranoia of talking to other people again?

Geez and I'm sorry about these wall posts I keep making, I think I'll get better at it soon. I just have probably a billion thoughts going through my head at once.

Thanks for reading

[UnforgivenII]

Do not help her. Stop being the caretaker. We deserve to be loved. You deserve it too. You loved her. She lied and probably cheated. If you have this gut suspicion... .there is a reason. Please go no contact. Stop feeding her ego by answering her. I know how it feels. We all know. Hold your head high. You deserve better. When you feel like writing or contaxcting her, just write here. Take it off your chest here. Here we listen to you. She doesn't.

[Caretaker2]

Advice on what I should be looking for in specialists and where? Just basically someone that could serve as a guide and maybe help with the trusting others thing. I live somewhere that has a large medical center so I probably will have access to a huge number of em.

And thank you for the reply. I've been visiting when I've been feeling down and I may start typing something and then feel a bit better. The feeling is amplified when I actually post the thought and then even more when I start a discussion with someone on here. I see this place being a healthy crutch in my future so you'll probably see a lot more of these kinds of posts from me.

[UnforgivenII]

I have been doing EMDR and I find it extremely helpful. We were under a lot of stress, and we underwent a big trauma. We have all got PTSD, more or less. It must be addressed.

But it is just my opinion. Find a therapist you trust. Someoen you feel ok with. That's all.

I love mine. He looks like Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones... .and he is wise just like him

[Skip]

We have all got PTSD, more or less. It must be addressed.

UnforgivenII, we don't all have PTSD.  :)epression is probably the most common issue here. Many members have attachment insecurities. There is no, one size fits all.

Caretaker2, infidelity will rock your world. You live near a major medical school with a good psychiatry department. I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist there to get a meds evaluation, talk about treatment and have him refer you to a PhD psychologist. He will want to see you periodically to monitor the meds and you can tell him how counseling is going and evaluate possible shifts you may want to take in treatment directions.

Have you taken the depression test here?

If you have trust issues, it would seem to me that its important to find out if this is a commutative life experiences thing or a situational thing - likely it is the former.

[Caretaker2]

Thanks for the advice. I've taken the test and scored in the 30s one time and then the next time I was feeling like a 4 on all of the answer choices. It made me feel sad thinking that it might get worse, but I don't think that was meaning that.

One great (but painful) thing about all this is realizing how unhappy I was in the relationship in the first place. As I've mentioned before, working around my exwBPD's emotions did help me become a more empathetic person. But, the actual frequent times that she would let loose I would always feel the same hurt and betrayal that I've been feeling the past week since the break up.

Idk enough about depression yet, but I can say I have been in a "depressed" mood and frequently represent the higher marks on the test that Skip linked. I feel I may have been this way for a long time because of school, her, and my family.

I'll look into the meds thing and make an appointment with someone next when I'm back in town. Thank you, everyone!