Welcome aboard Jetpilot,
Very sorry to hear about your circumstances. I know all too well the grief and suffering involved in an abusive relationship. I truely feel for you. I was in a BPD/NPD/ASPD living hell for 24 years.
Back to your situation, that is the priority right now. You have described an abusive re involving infidelity and drugs. That is very clear. In your description of the re I did not pick up on anything specific involving PD's. Yes, it is universal that one characteristic of borderline is infidelity and self destruction. There is a hint of recycling too. But that in itself does not confirm any specific PD. To be diagnosed with BPD there must be 5 out 7 specific characteristics/symtoms present. What you desrcibed above, could just be a not great person with self destructive issues. Either way, I would not stick around and continue to be abused either. That will only hurt your health more.
I would be more than happy to help you in any way that I can. Especially in the area of information regarding divorcing someone with a PD. I am certainly very experienced at that. If you could please provide some more information relating to why you think she has a PD, that would be very helpful and a good starting point.
You have come to the right place for information. That is a good first step. Many here, that have suffered greatly from an abusive re with a PD. We know your pain and feel for you.
Thank you for the welcome. Since you mentioned it I should tell you that to my knowledge there's not been a diagnosis of any PD that I'm aware of. The things that stand out are as follows.
I'm either a great husband who doesn't or would never ever cheat, or she is suspicious and has an intense amount of anger directed at me even though she is quiet in nature. And by the way, it is not in my nature to cheat or mislead someone I am married to. I can say with a clean conscious that this is not the case with me. She has all of the ear marks from her past, Traumatic childhood, abandonment issues, substance abuse since a very early age, sexual promiscuity since a very early age. She is always the victim. Everything that is a problem in her life is my fault. She put on 100 pounds the first couple years of our marriage and blamed me for it. Blames it on me and PCOS. There was a time when we were dating early on and she would go through phases where she didn't want to take her Lexapro. During this time she was extremely difficult to be around and deal with. She was very angry. I finally talked her into taking it consistently And she became a new person quite frankly. When I discovered she was using drugs again, about four years ago, I noticed that when she was clean she would act like she did originally without the antidepressant. Mood swings, anger and she cops what I call an attitude. Like a chip on her shoulder. When she uses/abuses the Ritalin, this alleviates all of that bizarrely enough. I also noticed, that we got married it seemed she had To have another man on the side that she would flirt with. I trusted her enough that I thought that's all it was. I blamed this on her daddy issues and childhood problems. Looking back however, I strongly believe she was intimately involved with someone during our entire marriage. And not the same person either, different men. I discovered where things are out of place when I come home from trips. Our bed will have moved several inches forward, the feet on our couch have scratched our hardwood floors in a manner suggesting sexual activity. I had originally left and told her we were getting divorced, but she pleaded with me to give her a chance to work on things so I moved back in. Unfortunately, I soon discovered she is still texting and talking with the other man. It's just a train wreck to be honest. I really want to know why I am in a relationship with someone that will treat me like this? I think if I can answer that question I would be able to leave easier. I also have a lot of control issues myself which I'm aware of, but I think part of me being here is an attempt to keep her out of his bed. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
