Relieved to know why

[Minjo75]

I've been married to my husband for 23 years. His behavior has become worse over time. My counselor told me his diagnosis last night. My mind is still reeling, but I'm relieved to FINALLY have answers to why he acts this way. I want to help him but don't know how. We have 7 children who are suffering as well.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RAPIDclassic1]

A couple of thoughts... .your counselor can't diagnose him indirectly, was your husband seeing this counselor?  If so, that knowledge will be very helpful in managing your spouse and your own situation.  Helping him will be very complex and demanding, there are other boards here for that purpose.  I would take time to assess what you truly want out of life and the relationship.  If he wasn't seen by the counselor, be careful, it's a complex area and behaviors seem similar but don't always have the same origin.  Either way, somewhere here will be something you can use, welcome!

[ArleighBurke]

My wife is not officially diagnosed with BPD, however i have found the techniques taught on this site make a big difference to my life. As with anything, try and find the techniques that work for you both.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome to the board! 23 years is quite a long time to have to deal with BPD behavior. I'm sure you and your family have been through quite a lot. It sounds like you are on the right path in taking steps to understanding what is going on now that you have a name for his issues. You will find lots of support here. You may go through a lot of emotions as you come to terms with a diagnosis. On one hand it's a relief to know that there really is something mentally going on with your husband. On the other hand as you read about BPD you may get upset knowing that he may never be able to get better. When I realized what was going on with my H I went through all the stages of grief.

We have a lot of lessons on the right side of the page. THis would be a good place to start learning more about BPD, about how to communicate with your pwBPD better, and how to take care of yourself and your family.

Here is a link to one of our lessons on Supporting your PW BPD:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=106134.0