Police at my door the other day ...

[aman]

I have no spoken to my uBPDxgf since she superliked (it doesnt matter if you swipe right, you get notified anyways) me on tinder a month after the discard. This was only to tell me all the men shes been with but she missed and loved me still.

we emailed shortly after (all initiated by her) and by the end she clearly tried to play from games with my head.

I responded saying i am aware of her mental health issues and i know the games she is playing. the closure i needed was her behaviour and her actions and i never wished to hear from her again.

I also mentioned that her brother had damaged the brakes on my car when he worked on it last summer and he had happily let her and her infant son drive around in it for months on end.

a month later a police officer came to my house to issue me with a harassment notice, the documents claims i have emailed and phoned her consistently from jan to march. i have only emailed her expaining i never wish to see her again.

I explained this to the officer who was apologetic and explained that no evidence had been collected from her to prove her allegations. I will now have this on my record at local police level for the rest of my life.

I then proceeded to give my side of the story as well as offer to provide login details to my email address and my phone. I informed him of the rape allegation she made about her ex and how she wanted me to go to his house and burn his car out. i also told him of the sexual abuse claim her ex husband made against me and their infant son to the police and how he admitted he knew i had done nothing wrong.

the officer seemed to take my side, especially when i stood up to get my laptop. his exact words were "sounds likes she playing the system mate" and i am to contact the police if she or her family contact me.

I have no doubt she is in a new relationship right now and is doing this to trauma bond with her new victim.

I have now blocked all ways for her to contact me.

i know this wont be the end, she threatened me with the police if i did not delete photos of her son that she chose to send me everyday. I also have the issue of her ex husband apparently reporting me to the police for sexually abusing their son.

Part of me wants her to keep making false allegations about me to the police, She will just be digging herself a very big hole which she wont be able to talk her way out of. As i said to the police officer, i believe i have enough evidence in the form of text messages and emails to prove she is lying and have her charged with wasting police time.

another part of me wants her to be happy but i know she will never be, no matter what.

I dont know if anyone has been in a similar situation than this and can share their experiences?

if it does go further an i produce the messages etc? will that be enough evidence? or can she simply say that i done and said things face to face that cant be proved to counter claim?

one more thing, i spent the rest of the day after the officer left reading about emotional abuse laws, i contacted the police the next day to see if they would consider reviewing my evidence. they lady i spoke to was less than helpful.

Aman

[ReclaimingMyLife]

aman, I am sorry to hear this happened and sounds like you handled yourself and the police very well.  Kudos to you for that.  I cannot imagine how unnerving it must be to have the cops show up under false pretenses. 

I have not been through your situation but was stalked by my exUBPDbf for 10 months straight.  I did not pursue a restraining order as they have very mixed results (check out the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker... .wonderful book that helped me keep my sanity throughout the ordeal), but I kept detailed records of every single contact he made by phone, email or text. I put it in an Excel spreadsheet to have in case such documentation was needed. 

I also used VoicemailsForever.com to keep recordings of all the phone messages he left me.  I never took his phone calls or calls from any unknown numbers so there were no conversations to record in my case.  Probably best for you to not answer so that there would be evidence if she leaves a message. 

Hopefully it doesn't come to that.  LivednLearned was just sharing on another thread how negative attention can itself be very reinforcing to our ex's so no response, no contact, no display of frustration or any emotional energy is to our benefit. 

I stupidly loaned my ex a lot of money and (for just a minute) considered pursuing that in a court of law.  I decided against it because (1) he has no money so can't get blood out of a turnip and (2) I didn't want him to take any satisfaction from upsetting me.  That was true in regards to a restraining order as well.  I didn't want him give him the satisfaction or inadvertently reinforce his bad behavior in any way.

You definitely need to keep record of every contact from her.  That way in the case of "he said/she said" you can substantiate your story and she won't be able to since you are not contacting her.  Well, I say that... .but better to ask those who've lived through false allegations.  Nevertheless, document, document, document. 

And hang in there! 

XOXO
RML

[aman]

Thnkas RML ... .i am truly out of the FOG now ... .i see her for what she and her family are ... .

She will never directly contact me again ... .i am 100% sure of it ... .i believe it will be another call from the police or a white night she has manipulated turning up at my door to kick my teeth out ... .i have included all of this in my conversation with the police officer, i have a crime reference number ... .

My family want me to report her and her husband to social services ... her husband was more than willing to put their son through the trauma of police questioning and other parties ... .i will never forget the look on his face when he saw me after his dad came to their house to let them know what he done ... .the child had to go to the doctors as he had such bad anxiety ... .

I overheard her telling him to tell me that "i wish you could be my daddy aman!" and "i love you more than my daddy" that was one of the prominent points when i realised she had serious mental health problems ... .

all i want is to move on and forget what she put me through ... .but he actions suggest that i will be looking over my shoulder for some time ... .

Aman

[Rayban]

Common theme that keeps on coming up; devaluation, painted black, leave the door slightly open and failed recycles will lead to the non to be portrayed as an obcessed stalker.  This is playing directly into a BPD persons games. At the base most BPD relationships begin withe woe is me ... .eternal victim needing a white night to not only save her but believe it is they're duty to do so. Restraing orders, police involvement, thugs available to avenge them, this is what has to be considered when you've seen the other side of the mask, know they're mentally disordered but yet choose to stay involved.

You've cut contact just take the necessary steps to keep yourself safe.

Don't forget about the fear part of FOG. It will be used as a form of control. Don't let it dictate your life. 
 

[aman]

couldn't agree more Rayban ... .when we first got together she told me she just wanted someone to look after her ... and i did ... .

for the record, she cut contact with me ... .but she would always contact me in a couple o days ... .i would have gone with her to counselling and helped anyway i could have with her mental health issues ... .she chose to abuse the love and trust i gave her ...   i have enough messages and emails to prove i have said goodbye enough times and she has contacted me ... .a total contradiction to what she told her brothers when they confronted me about "refusing to accept it's over" ... .

the fact she used her little boy to manipulate me and my family still makes me sick as well as during the discard she claimed i used him to manipulate her ... .sheer projection ... she is aware of what projection is [i told her] and that i know the games she's playing ... .

i personally believe that i caused her a narcissistic injury after calling her out and telling her about the damage her brother done to the brakes on my car when he changed the pads ... .the truth hurts and you cannot deny facts ... .her own family have little or nothing to do with her ... she would ___ and slag them off when she was idolising me ... .as soon as the devaluation came ... they were the rock of her life despite them not answering her calls or messages ... .

I doubt she will ever achieve "the life i deserve" [entitled?]

i found out recently that she was messaging my friends wives to see if i was a good guy when we were together ... .

Please do not think i wish her any ill harm ... .  just think a conviction for wasting the police time or perverting the course of justice would be justice in this case ... .she is playing a very dangerous game ... .she would be fired from her job if she had a conviction for deception ... .

i work with a 20 year old lad who has just ended a 3 month relationship with a 18 year old girl ... .he told me some of the things she was doing during the relationship and what she was doing after ... .all the signs of someoen with BPD or NPD ... .the silver lining of this whole situation is i can share my experiences and offer advice to other in similar situations ...

[Rayban]

I believe you did right to cut contact with her.  This should be the same for her brothers,  mutual friends who enable her. You have enough evidence. I would suggest recording the date and time you decided to accept no contact and the steps you took to achieve it. Screen shots of blocked on cell phone, social media, email, home phone and any other way she's contacted you in the past.

Just move on and stop feeding the beast.

[Idsrvt2]

There are a few of us in here this has happened to.  What country are you in?

If your in the US it varies by state and often right down to the county you live in how these matters are handled...
Do you have a court date? Have you consulted an attorney?

I am new to this as I was served in March - my story is posted a few times on here.

You will feel a lot of emotions... let yourself feel them.
Never ever no matter how low you get break that order and contact her ... it's what she wants and hopes.
You most likely will find quite a few that you contact for help or advice minimize what you are going thru and not be as helpful as you hoped... .rise above their opinions as they have not walked in your shoes.

Many are used to breakups with mentally sound people... .with BPD they use the courts to control us and gain sympathy from others. 

I've had his govt employer and a detective minimize what he is doing and how he has manipulated the courts.  Mine only provided evidence to his attorney , evidence aka scary threatening texts ... what this mentally ill man viewed as scary.    unlike my protection order that had dates and times of each incident.

Keep posting here... .you will need all the support you can get from people who have been there.