exBPD is still trying to fix me

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My exBPD has been trying to "fix" me since the beginning of our relationship.  At the core of it, she believes I am the reason for all of her misery and if I would just "fill in the blank here" her life would be vastly improved and our marriage tolerable.  Her contributions to our marital problems were general statements that she contributed to them without ever naming anything specific because she couldn't identify them.  The narrative would literally be something along the lines of  her saying "I know I do some things wrong but I can't tell you what I do wrong because I can't think of anything I do that's wrong".

She recently dropped off some of my belongings and in one of the boxes there was a book on dealing with your negative inner self.  I had never seen that book in our house and it certainly doesn't belong to me.  I'm assuming she put it there on purpose because she thinks I need to deal with my negative inner self.  Perhaps in her distorted view of reality this is her way of caring about me.  Back in the real world where I long for her to actually care about me it's a bit disheartening.  I feel sad for her and the world she creates for herself.  Never taking responsibility for anything negative in her life.  Always blaming others (namely me right now) and projecting her bad behavior.  Therapists tell you not to use the always/never absolutes but if the shoe fits... .

I'm still wounded by her but I'm healing and will get through it.  She on the other hand will most likely never be healthy and that's just plain sad.  There are no words left to say.  There are no actions that can rescue her.  This knight in tarnished armor must concede this battle and move on.  This is the moment I let go.  Farewell my love.

[jonmnemonic]

My exBPD has been trying to "fix" me since the beginning of our relationship.  At the core of it, she believes I am the reason for all of her misery and if I would just "fill in the blank here" her life would be vastly improved and our marriage tolerable.  Her contributions to our marital problems were general statements that she contributed to them without ever naming anything specific because she couldn't identify them.  The narrative would literally be something along the lines of  her saying "I know I do some things wrong but I can't tell you what I do wrong because I can't think of anything I do that's wrong".

She recently dropped off some of my belongings and in one of the boxes there was a book on dealing with your negative inner self.  I had never seen that book in our house and it certainly doesn't belong to me.  I'm assuming she put it there on purpose because she thinks I need to deal with my negative inner self.  Perhaps in her distorted view of reality this is her way of caring about me.  Back in the real world where I long for her to actually care about me it's a bit disheartening.  I feel sad for her and the world she creates for herself.  Never taking responsibility for anything negative in her life.  Always blaming others (namely me right now) and projecting her bad behavior.  Therapists tell you not to use the always/never absolutes but if the shoe fits... .

I'm still wounded by her but I'm healing and will get through it.  She on the other hand will most likely never be healthy and that's just plain sad.  There are no words left to say.  There are no actions that can rescue her.  This knight in tarnished armor must concede this battle and move on.  This is the moment I let go.  Farewell my love.

[roberto516]

This resonates with me because near the end I was trying to "fix her". Deep down I was trying to show her her behaviors but I went about it all the wrong way. I can see her telling people that I was diagnosing her and trying to fix her and manipulate her. Just wanted to share that I got something from your post.

[JaxWest]

I had a similar experience. The first BPD tried to groom me into something she wanted. After the 2nd date, she started talking about what kind of savings bond I should have, what job I should go for after graduate school, who to hang out with, hobbies... etc. She always liked to point out my "flaws" as she described them.