Ruining my marriage and relationship with my son.

[Parents! Get help here!]

I was diagnosed with BPD over 2 years ago, after suffering with a break down at home. Cause of my break down was the poor relationship I had with my wife, for several years. I felt like I had no worth and couldn't function as a person. After having time off work and attending DBT therapy course for several months, I returned to full time work. But no matter what skills I use, I keep breaking the relationship I crave for with my wife. We've seen many councilors for our relationship, but never really managed to make the good times last, before I revert to my BPD bad side. Life has led me to a place where my wife says she doesn't have time or understanding anymore for my BPD. I've told her that we should end the relationship, as I just can't be the person she wants/needs. But deep down I don't want that, it's just I don't see anything else that we can do to make life better for both of us. I'm scared to stay and scared to leave. 14 years with my wife, knowing that I am the reason that the relationship is broken, is soul destroying.
I don't really talk about my emotions, which I know is a major problem. But I needed to find somewhere to talk and hopefully not be judged too harshly.

[Budgie]

I was diagnosed with BPD over 2 years ago, after suffering with a break down at home. Cause of my break down was the poor relationship I had with my wife, for several years. I felt like I had no worth and couldn't function as a person. After having time off work and attending DBT therapy course for several months, I returned to full time work. But no matter what skills I use, I keep breaking the relationship I crave for with my wife. We've seen many councilors for our relationship, but never really managed to make the good times last, before I revert to my BPD bad side. Life has led me to a place where my wife says she doesn't have time or understanding anymore for my BPD. I've told her that we should end the relationship, as I just can't be the person she wants/needs. But deep down I don't want that, it's just I don't see anything else that we can do to make life better for both of us. I'm scared to stay and scared to leave. 14 years with my wife, knowing that I am the reason that the relationship is broken, is soul destroying.
I don't really talk about my emotions, which I know is a major problem. But I needed to find somewhere to talk and hopefully not be judged too harshly.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello Budgie

I am very sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now, but it is great to see you reaching out for help and support - a very brave and scary thing to do!

This site is a support group for those who are or were in a relationship with a person with BPD, so many of the posts can be triggering to a BPD sufferer. There are resources of the type you're seeking. Please check out Resources for BPD Sufferers.

Learning new skills through DBT can take time to master, small gentle steps work and I encourage you to continue your investment in DBT.

I wish you well on your journey.

WDx