Sibling with BPD - been trying to cope

[sjtwoboys]

Hello - I am a 40 year old woman with an older sister whom I believe to have BPD.   After years of somewhat emotional abuse and manipulation - I finally sought treatment with a therapist to learn what I can do myself to try and have a decent relationship with her or rather, WANT her to have a relationship with me.  I wanted to learn how I can cope with her and what I can do.  Well my therapist informed  me right away that she believed my sister has BPD and she explained to me what it is.  She thought that her behaviors sounded so much like it that she asked me to do some research before our  next meeting to learn more about the disorder.  I have many questions and after reading a lot of material, I do believe this is not only what my sister has but my mother as well.  We grew up with extreme emotional abuse.  Anyway - I'd like to know more about it.  One of her main things is that she is extremely concerned of what others think of her - particularly outside of our family.  She has a group of friends whom she would do anything for.  And all of her friends have "important" careers and do something for her that makes HER feel important.  That I have known for years.  But when it comes to me - she does not want to have a relationship with me.  She's not outright mean to me because then she'd look bad.  She ignores me... .There's so much more to it but guess I'll start there... .

[wantyousafe]

Hi,Sarah; I'm pretty new to the thought of having a sister with undiagnosed BPD too so I can't be much use but I thought I'd just say hello.
Having seen your two posts I'm wondering whether you are a victim of bad timimg... .your sister had been an only child before you came along and took some of the attention off her... and by the time your next two sisters came along, she'd already got you as a safety valve?
I hope that it hasn't soured your relationship with your other sisters as your youngest sister could be in for a shock when your eldest sister becomes bored with her.
Perhaps we have to get over grieving for the sister we'll never have and be thankful for our other loved ones; husband,children and your father, who knows what you are going through.