After 1 year of NC she trying to reconcile

[amunt]

After 1 year of NC she trying to reconcile with me.
She ask friends and family members about me ,
i get calls of her friends ask about me etc

Still she dont speak with me but she trying to make me ask about her
or call her. I say to everyone that our relationship is over and that i dont even know her anymore... .

The funny part is that she is still married with her new boy and they have already a baby.
Her baby come to life just before 1 month , and 1 month after she trying to reconcile. What the heck is going on?

She is married and have a baby, what the hell she want from me now ?

My question to experienced men here is :
1) She feel sorry and want to ask for forgiveness ?
2) She going bad in her relationship and want me back for provider?
or 3) She just want to check me ?

Thanks everyone

[Herodias]

Things must not be going well and she is fishing for an option. Don't bite! They don't ever seem to want to give up anyone even if it's just to get their ego fed a bit... .see if you are still there for them.

[amunt]

Yeah, i just learn that the new guy (the perfect man as she said for him) hit her with punches before 3 months
and they broke up for a week.
But why she dont tried to find me that time and she trying to do that now ?
Maybe he changed and from the "perfect man" he is the worst now in her head... .

I dont bite it and i continue NC with her, she choose that .
 Karma is a ___ 

[Infern0]

Stay no contact for sure.

Be careful with the "katma is a ___" that kind of thinking hurts you too. Nobody deserves to be smacked around by a partner

[amunt]

I know , thanks

[Skip]

Still she dont speak with me but she trying to make me ask about her or call her.

Hopefully this is no longer feels like threat to you. She is married and has a child now. There is no future for the two of you.

Possibly she wants to share news with you about the baby. Possibly she has turmoil in her relationship and is looking for some emotional support/validation. Maybe she feels some guilt about how things ended and wants to clean things up again? Who knows.

It's not important what she wants, it's important how you will handle it.

I wouldn't call her. She has not asked for that. She also hasn't asked to reconcile.

The most important thing - have you let go of hope for a relationship? Have you grown beyond the hurt or anger?

If, she calls you, and you feel strong, you can take the call.

[Mutt]

After 1 year of NC she trying to reconcile with me.
She ask friends and family members about me ,
i get calls of her friends ask about me etc

I can see how it would make someone nervous, anxious, or jumpy. She could be asking about how you're doing, she could be checking to see what the reception would be like if she where to get in touch with you, like Skip said, don't jump to conclusions, figure out what you want, if she were to contact.

[amunt]

I just feel sorry for her now , i know that she is sick.
She have problems in her new relationship and maybe trying to find a new "white knight"
to save her and dumb the poor guy. Too bad i am not a "white knight"

If she call me i will block her ,  can take revenge from her and play with her but i am not
angry anymore and i feel sorry for her and especially for her poor kid.
She must stay with them , she have kid now its not like in the past

Thanks for your reply

[Doughboy]

Yeah, i just learn that the new guy (the perfect man as she said for him) hit her with punches before 3 months and they broke up for a week.

This for me would be enough to at least find out from her friends or even her if she is safe.  The Ex's may all have their struggles and we all know the pain they have caused us but no one deserves to get hit... .EVER.  I would "White Knight" the heck out of that situation. of course, ymmv.

[amunt]

Its not my problem my friend , she can call police .
Also i dont believe her , she is full of lies

[Rayban]

BPD can't  be alone.  Any perceived abandonment, and they are weighing options.  Mentions of exes, coworkers, new acquaintences  ... .listen enough and they're off idolizing someone new.

That was my experience.  I look back, and from 1 week on, there were continuous encounters with exes or other "chance" meetings with male "friends".

My BPDex hated losing attachments.  Her facebook  page is random guys liking pictures.  Some like every picture for close to a decade. My  BPDex would change profile pics, every few months.  Each time you would have a hand full of the same guy liking pics, and continuous new guys liking her pics.  

I drifted through being facebook friends, to messaging with facebook, to being blocked, recycled, unblocked to see new guys being added as friends,  to me questioning who these people were,  to her blocking me for good.

I contributed to this dysfunction by ignoring red flags. The sad part is that there are 100 other guys my BPD can forget me, and fantasie with the next.

[amunt]

My ex is different , she painted black all of their ex for good. Never had attachments and never get back to an ex.
I am the only exception but still she put others to speak to me and not face to face.

I believe she's both  Borderline and Narcissistic

[Tottie]

  Rayban I think we dated the same woman, your story is very similar with my story

[lovenature]

Once a PWBPD gets too close to their current attachment their fear of engulfment is triggered and they fear abandonment will be next so they test the waters with ex. attachments and/or go for new ones.
You know enough about the disorder amunt to remain NC and let her do what she will.

[VeganButEatMyMea]

My question to experienced men here is :
1) She feel sorry and want to ask for forgiveness ?
2) She going bad in her relationship and want me back for provider?
or 3) She just want to check me ?

Thanks everyone

1) Who cares
2) Who cares
3) Who cares

She's married has a 1 month old with that hubby, BPD or not... .you stay FAR away from that!

[amunt]

1) Who cares
2) Who cares
3) Who cares

She's married has a 1 month old with that hubby, BPD or not... .you stay FAR away from that!

I just learn that she broke up with the new guy and have prepared a divorce in the next month,
so the correct one was 2) .   

Of course i will stay away, i thought once that i can maybe use her just for sex in open relationship but
she is so crazy that i will have problem. She also unblocked me in facebook

[Herodias]

amunt, listen to yourself... .if you had a friend telling you this stuff, what would you say to that friend?  "Use her for sex", really? Aren't you a better person than that? Try not to disassociate like they do. Sometimes I think their traits rub off on us -the sort of numbing we have to do. Just stay away and work on yourself and what it is that you want. Once you know who you are and what you want, it will come. It takes some growing pains... .

[amunt]

I am stay away , i wanted to do that for revenge but now i see that they are sick and feel sorry for her.
I continue NC

[Rayban]

Amunt

It's not worth it even for good sex. You spend time with her,  and she will mess with your head.

She has a kid, has been in violent relationship, and now is looking for someone to triangulate with her husband.

Could you imagine what this man is going through? He has a new born baby, and he's used physical violence on his wife. What is his family thinking of this?

Consider yourself lucky my friend.  That could be you.

[SilentShadow]

It is possibly she is re-living in past where she realized how much she caused much damage toward you.  She is asking around about you for two possible reasons:

1)She wanted to know see how much progress you have been making for better or worst
2) She is in stage of remorseful where her current spouse is treating her better made her realized that her relationship with you could have do better than it do not mean it is your fault or her fault, it is sign of learning how it could do better.

I am married to my wife with BPD, I learned to cope with it and we are very openly with communication about everything.   My ex wife it was before I got remarried for second time.  She keep asking around to see how I am doing and I always knew she wanted me to suffer for what I did to her when I was alcoholic addict (currently sober for 4 and half year).  I know the feeling and how u have been pondering.

[amunt]

Could he imagined what i was going through in the first place ?
I am not sorry for this man, he tell bad things for me  just after one week
of our broke up he was with her and treated like queen and tell everyone that i was bad boy, idiot etc

I never reacted , just tell them good luck. In the end everyone pay his sins

Now learned that she get divorce and injunctions against him ,
she keep the baby and have her friends in her house this week.

Tell in mutual friend that she is regret that broke up with me.
She totally want me back to make my life sh*t again.
I am not bite it

[amunt]

pwBPD can feel sorry  ? I dont believe they feel sorry for anyone, they are sorry only for themselves.
They already get divorce in few months, she tell a mutual friend that she regret that broke up with me
so you are right here in number 2) ... .

But i dont believe her , she is just alone now and want someone to play.
They cant feel love