Introduction post: I'm a borderline dating a borderline.

[bloodsoda]

Hello,

I'm bloodsoda, I'm a 24 year old bisexual male. I was diagnosed with BPD a few years back, although it is obvious I showed symptoms as far back as early childhood. I met 9/9 of the criteria and I would say that my symptoms used to be quite severe, but after years of researching and practicing meditation as well as testosterone therapy I have slowly but surely begun to stabilize. I am currently in a fairly new (6 months) long distance relationship with a 20 year old male who also has BPD, I consider us both very self aware, but he is younger and less experienced so I am trying my best to learn how to love him through his mood swings.

I dont have an specific things to ask right now except to say that we seems to be falling into a pattern of him being moody with me and me care taking and im trying to learn best how to avoid developing unhealthy patterns. Id be interested to talk to other BPD+BPD pairings for advice. But advice from nons with BPD loved ones is also welcome.

I'm off for a little bit but I will probably come back later today to add some more information about whats been going on lately.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi bloodsoda,

I am very sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now, but it is great to see you reaching out for help and support - a very brave and scary thing to do!

This site is a support group for those who are or were in a relationship with a person with BPD, so many of the posts can be triggering to a BPD sufferer. There are resources of the type you're seeking. Please check out Resources for BPD Sufferers.

I wish you well on your journey.

[JoeBPD81]

Hi Bloodsoda,

I'm sure we would learn from you more that you from us. Many of the veteran users here show a level of respect, understanding and compassion that is remarkable. I try to always write with the love I feel for my girlfriend who suffers from BPD. Even so, if she were to read it, she would feel exposed and triggered. Anyone can enter here and just vent about how difficult their lives are. Sometimes that offends ME, and I don't have BPD. So just keep in mind that warning that Mutt told you, the last thing we want is to hurt anyone.

I'm really up for opening lines of comunication between us. Dividing us in groups feels wrong to me. But it is true that where there is pain, there is anger, and guilt, and people get hurt. I think part or our labor is to change the stigma of this disorder, but it's so much out there, and many people don't know better, and anyone can write here.

As a partner, you have that won. You understand the kind of pain that your partner is suffering. That it's crucial, but it's not all. We all have feelings and as much as we understand what's happening, we can't prevent it from hurting. Nor it prevents us to make "mistakes" or to trigger unwanted responses in our loved ones.

My GF often wonders if she would be better in a relationship with another person with BPD. She is in contact with a lot. She feels less judged, and she's not afraid to hurt their feelings. I believe once closeness is in the picture, the relationship is more difficult. But she's right that it poses some advantage.

For me, one of the great things about this site is that they don't tell me "your GF is bad", they tell me "you, Joe, did this and this and this wrong, and you could have done that and that". And that stings at the beginning, but then helps me make my/our life better. But some days, that could make me feel as if I could do nothing right, and my mood goes south. Or I could feel over protected, and feel I'm being treated as a fragile person. And that can be invalidating too.

I think you are very brave, and having reached this point in your yourney by the age of 24 is remarkable, I think your partner is lucky to have you. It pops into my mind that he could be a little intimidated by your progress, as in, he can feel that you expect him to reach the same point you are in, even if you don't comment on this at all.

Well, we sure will listen and do our best to support you in this relationship. Good luck and I wish you all the happyness in the world.

[bloodsoda]

Thank you both very much for the response. I dont trigger to easily reading things about borderline, to be honest I dont think I would have come as far as I have in my recovery if that were the case. But I do understand what you are saying, sometimes it can be overwhelming to read, so I always do a little at a time.

I think you are right that he must feel a little intimidated. I actually just told him the other day I need to take a step back and cut off some communication for a while because the medication he is currently on has been making him numb and hes been giving me the silent treatment. I want to make this work but im not sure im strong enough yet to carry both of us. I think two borderlines together can be very rewarding, the intensity when it is good is like nothing else.