He may move into my apt building. How do I stop that?

[anna58]

I broke NC after 4 days when he emailed asking me for information about the apt complex I live in. He had put in an application here before he left several weeks ago. I thought he would drop it after he left and got my final email saying we couldn't be in a romantic relationship.

He is 2000 miles away at a friend's house and is desperate for a place to live and always has trouble finding a place and doesn't like living alone. He has so much mental illness, which he agrees he has, but doesn't know it is BPD and narc. He is unstable and unable to get himself an apt--feels empty, doesn't know where "home" is, etc.

I know he suffers tremendously. So, it is difficult to say to him that he should not look for an apt near me or in my complex.  But, if he does this, it means he is following me around the country. He followed me here from the east coast, and now, he'd be doing it again. Not healthy. Not good.

How do I say that to him? I gave him the info on my apt complex--my mistake. Now, do I write and say it is not a good idea for him to live in my building? Or should I say it's not a good idea for him to come to my town?  How does one say this kind of thing?

And what is going on with him? I think he is just out of his mind with crippling mental illness and is grasping for anything that might feel safe and like home.

Thank you.

[hope2727]

I honestly think totally ignoring him might be best. Expect an extinction burst (you can google that up if you re unfamiliar). But being boring and not responding seems to discourage further interest.

[flourdust]

I don't know your history with this guy, but if it's problematic, why not contact your landlord and mention that he may be applying and that he has problems? They don't want issues in their complex, so they may decline his application for that reason.

[GaGrl]

If he has depending on you in the past to take care of such "life" tasks, then don't provide any more help.  If he has to handle it all on his own, he might default to someone else, somewhere else.