Cracking up coming to terms with BPD parent

[Zabava]

Hello everyone

Just wondering if anyone else has suffered from Ptsd or depression  after realizing their parent had BPD.  I have been having traumatic flashbacks to my childhood and it has been very upsetting.  Have to act normal for my husband and kids and maintain ties to my aging BPD mother.  How do you get past the sadness about what happened  to  you as a Child?

[Peacefromwithin]

I did for a long time. Sometimes even in therapy. My therapist would snap me out of it. I think the key is this:

The moment you have the awareness that you're starting to have a flashback, remind yourself to look at your feet. That'll bring you back to the present moment. Tell yourself that's not happening right now, it already happened, all is well right here and now.

I don't know why the mind likes to replay bad painful tapes. Maybe it's as protection that things don't repeat, I don't know. But you have the choice to not let your mind go back there. Tell yourself you can do that. Allow yourself to heal instead of reliving the pain.

Remind yourself that your mother was sick. Be kind, loving, and gentle to yourself so you can heal and enjoy the present moment. Don't stay stuck in the past.  

[BBCakes]

Hi there, I'm currently in the throws of the same thing - it's just awful isn't it?

I just connected the dots that my mom most likely has BPD and I feel like my mind is just loving to plunge deep into the past and relive all sorts of painful memories.  What I'm trying to do is look at each memory from the perspective that my mom is mentally ill - it doesn't take the pain away, but  feel like it's helping me deal with each memory and close the door on it, so to speak, so I can put it to rest and move forward.  I was even thinking of physically writing down each memory and reading it to my husband and then throwing it into the fire - is that weird?  I feel like I need to physically do something.   

I'm just so glad I found this site.  I'm so glad I'm not alone in this, and that I'm not actually crazy. 

Hang in there and be good to yourself xxx

[Panda39]

Hi Zabava,

Are you seeing a therapist?  My SO's D16 has PTSD & Depression (and an uBPDmom) and has found therapy helpful, both in terms of talking about things but also receiving coping tools that have helped her. She was also put on medication that has helped as well.

You might also want to look at the "Lessons" section in the box to the right --> each item is a link to more information.  Maybe give the "Taking Care of Yourself" link a try or "Understanding the Effects of Growing Up in a BPD Environment".  You might also take a look at the Survivors Guide where do you think you are on that list? 

I'm sorry these painful flashbacks are surfacing do you think something specific is triggering them?

Take Care, 
Panda39