Hey twinBPD: Welcome to the Community:I'm sorry about the problems you are having with your sister. At what age did she get the diagnosis of Bipolar? You refer to "lots of other difficult family dynamics going on". Has anyone else in the family had any mental health issues? Perhaps with anxiety, some form of depression or other mental illness (diagnosed or suspected)? Was there something different in your upbringing with your sister?
BPD can have a genetic component, environmental influence or a combination of both. Sometimes, I think we can be born with a predisposition for certain mental health issues. Those who don't manage mental conditions such as anxiety, depression, bipolar (as well as other conditions), are more apt to evolve to wear the label of BPD. It can be a matter of how we play the hand we are dealt. Does the person get therapy? Does the person try using some meds? Does the person refuse to accept they have a problem, and blame everyone else?
I used to work with a woman who had identical twin children. One child had ADHD and the other one didn't. I believe in this situation, there was something that happened in the womb or some event during or just after birth that was the root cause of the ADHD.
My sister recently emerged as a high-functioning BPD (or minimally with a high number of strong BPD traits). Stressful life events can push someone, who has some BPD Traits, into exhibiting more and/or stronger traits. This increase in degree and number of traits can cause someone to qualify for the label of BPD. If you are the one who is
SPLIT black, then you are the unfortunate recipient of the worst behaviors.
It was interacting with my sister, in regard to the failing health, death and co-trustee buisness for our elderly parents that brought about extreme behaviors from my sister. I was painted black, and still am. My sister got herself a lawyer, in order to interact as co-trustees of our parent's trust. Sadly, it has only trippled the time to accomplish business and her lawyer has only enabled and promoted her bad behaviors and combativeness in regard to matter that should have been simple.
I have a niece, who I would have liked to maintain contact with, but that doesn't seem to be possible right now. If you go no contact (NC) with one person, It's difficult to maintain a relationship with some relatives, expecially those who still live in the same household.
Do you know what provisions your parents have made in regard to power of attorneys (medical and financial) and their estate? Someone with strong BPD traits or BPD, will be difficult to deal with. If your parents have stipulated a "co" situation with you and your sister, it can be a nightmere. If possible, you might want to have a discussion with your parents. My parents did not share their plans with us, we had to find the documents in their home, at the time they were needed. I know they thought they were being fair, by making my sister and me "co" on everything. They must be rolling over in their graves in regard to what has gone on with my sister, since their passing.
Take care. I look forward to hearing more of your story.
