BPD mother near end of life

[freetoshine]

Hi, 

My BPD mother is nearing the end of her life.  She cut me off, so I don't know how she is doing.  Do any of you have expérience with this situation?  Looking for advice on how to prepare for and respond to her death.

[Living Life]

My BPD mother died in Jan at age 97 1/2; our relationship has been difficult. My brother is 'white', I am 'black'. He kept me informed of her progress; when she was moved into the hospice wing of the hospital and quit drinking, I flew out. My niece and I spent the last night with her, which gave some respite to my brother and his wife. She was pretty much in a coma for the last few days. I had nothing I needed to say to her, or final good byes. The finality of her last breath was almost soothing; as if the needless drama of our relationship has ended and now we can all find peace. I am glad I went; it gave a finality and an end to the tumult. However, that set off a whole other set of dramas with my brother and his wife; 6 months later, I have 'divorced' him and am finding peace and sanity in my life. I had to deal with my mother's nastiness, but he has not been allowed to take on her role and continue to cast me as 'black', as well as spiteful, vengeful, hateful, etc. The difficult part of all this has not been her death, but the loss of the relationship with my brother. I thought that with her passing, all would be sweetness and light ... .how wrong I was.

Hoping you find your peace.