It has undone a lot of my healing

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've been pretty devastated since my BPDex left me but I knew that I needed to take care of myself and start doing things for me for once. This daily thought that my ex would be home when I got there to fix things needed to end because it just isn't going to happen. I figured getting on Tinder and starting to date would help.

It did wonders! My matches were far greater than I imagined so my confidence went through this roof. After seeing a few people it was pretty obvious that I was still emotionally unavailable so I broke it off with those I was talking to.

Then I matched with this artsy girl 7 years younger than I. She wrote some really good poetry and I commented on it which lead to us meeting up.

Boom, instant connection. Things felt on fire but with that good kind of pain. The same kind that my ex initially gave me but it felt more intense this time. This new girl and I talked about things that were clearly no go for first time encounters. I figured screw it this is part of life so just ride it through. We eventually got to her house and then she told me about her Bipolar while grabbing her medicine box. As she opened the containers she handed me a pill from each to hold. At this point I knew I should have left but I was so hooked. To me this almost seemed normal coming from my last relationship. The talking continued and the happiness on this girls face was next level. She knew exactly how to meet my love language and it felt like I was alive again.

I was honest with her about my past and that the only reason I was able to communicate and understand her was because I had done extensive research on BPD. This made her even happier as she felt that I understood her and was not afraid. Things continued on for 3 days straight.

Then something happened and she said that we were going to fast and she needed a break. I knew this would happen so I said no problem. Oh boy did that sting and has it. It has completely dug up every damn feeling I had from my past BPD relationship and I could honestly say it has undone a lot of my healing.

The silver lining though is that I knew how to recognize it and am so proud to have been able to let it go. It was a great learning which has shown me that I am still healing and have quite a bit of work to do one myself.

[Sonder.]

I've been pretty devastated since my BPDex left me but I knew that I needed to take care of myself and start doing things for me for once. This daily thought that my ex would be home when I got there to fix things needed to end because it just isn't going to happen. I figured getting on Tinder and starting to date would help.

It did wonders! My matches were far greater than I imagined so my confidence went through this roof. After seeing a few people it was pretty obvious that I was still emotionally unavailable so I broke it off with those I was talking to.

Then I matched with this artsy girl 7 years younger than I. She wrote some really good poetry and I commented on it which lead to us meeting up.

Boom, instant connection. Things felt on fire but with that good kind of pain. The same kind that my ex initially gave me but it felt more intense this time. This new girl and I talked about things that were clearly no go for first time encounters. I figured screw it this is part of life so just ride it through. We eventually got to her house and then she told me about her Bipolar while grabbing her medicine box. As she opened the containers she handed me a pill from each to hold. At this point I knew I should have left but I was so hooked. To me this almost seemed normal coming from my last relationship. The talking continued and the happiness on this girls face was next level. She knew exactly how to meet my love language and it felt like I was alive again.

I was honest with her about my past and that the only reason I was able to communicate and understand her was because I had done extensive research on BPD. This made her even happier as she felt that I understood her and was not afraid. Things continued on for 3 days straight.

Then something happened and she said that we were going to fast and she needed a break. I knew this would happen so I said no problem. Oh boy did that sting and has it. It has completely dug up every damn feeling I had from my past BPD relationship and I could honestly say it has undone a lot of my healing.

The silver lining though is that I knew how to recognize it and am so proud to have been able to let it go. It was a great learning which has shown me that I am still healing and have quite a bit of work to do one myself.

[JaxDK]

It's never a good idea to date to expedite the healing process no matter how tempting. I personally would be on my own for a while and learn to enjoy that, before meeting somebody else. Otherwise I can't have a clean slate. I will compare and contrast during the best part of the relationship, which would be a shame.

Specially using Tinder. You can go on many dates that doesn't pan out leaving you more lonely than when you started.

[Mutt]

To be fair as a western civilization often family and friends encourage you to get back on the horse and seek out new boyfriends or girlfriends. I was reading an article where a woman lost her husband to cancer I think, three weeks after he passed family and friends were trying to encourage her to date.

I guess that many people aren't comfortable with feeling pain or anxiety for that matter. You might want to read up on attachment theory and find out what type of attachment style that you are, I have an anxious attachment style but I get really broken and can't get into another r/s right away because I want to learn from the experience, I choose to grieve the loss and I probably telegraph that I'm pretty hurt.

Anyways, friends and family may mean well and they might not know what to say to support a loved one going through a break up. Some people can't and won't stop to soak up the experience by sitting with their thoughts and feelings, they keep themselves occupied. Everyone is different, there's no right way or wrong way, but I think that if you're emotionally wounded you may may not be able to see the potential pitfalls because you're perception is impaired, you can't see the bigger picture, you may be subconsciously looking to be soothed.

To the OP good for you that you saw that you still have some work to do.