Feeling so broken - can anyone relate to me?

[BrokenMom#5]

Hi

I'm a Mom of 1 (little boy 3.5).  Last week I found out my husband of 4.5 years (together 8.5) had been sexting with another woman for about 1 year on/off.  I asked him to leave for 1 month to show me changes and give me the time to process all of this.  Yet due to my codependency issues, I've been unable to maintain the boundary.  Having a son together doesn't help.  I've been doing alot of research looking for a glimmer of hope to hold onto.  All signs are pointing to getting out of the relationship.  I feel so broken - Has it all really been fake? I know an narcissist is an excellent manipulator and more recently since I've been reading - I'm seeing his techniques come out.  Has everything he said been a lie - our therapist believes and has told me that he does love me.  But love me how - for what I give him?  I love this man - and yet I know that I should probably leave.  He tells me he feels empty and never understood why - Is that a narcissist way to control me? He agreed that it sounded like him when I read him the definition - if someone shows signs of being a narcissist does that count for everything?  Is there degrees of such where it's possible to ever have a healthy relationship?  I'm looking for support, advise, anything at this point.  I've not been able to focus - I can't eat - and here sits with me my little boy who is the most loving, empathetic, pure soul who I must look out for. :'(

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi BrokenMom,

Welcome ,

I"m sorry that you are feeling so hurt right now. Living with someone with a personality disorder can really take its toll on us. A lot of information out there does focus on leaving the relationship. One of the biggest things I"ve learned in living with someone with a personality disorder is that I cannot change them or fix them or make them do anything I want them to do. Only they can choose to do that. The only person we can change is ourselves. The way you respond to him, the way you take care of your own needs, even if he never does, speaking up for yourself, and working on conflict resolution. These are all ways that you can begin to see improvements in how you approach the relationship.

We have a lot of great workshops on the right side of the page to help us learn new skills to begin improving our relationships. To get you started, here is a link to one of our workshops on The Dysfunctional Dance.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=66672.0