Hi BrokenMom,
Welcome ,
I"m sorry that you are feeling so hurt right now. Living with someone with a personality disorder can really take its toll on us. A lot of information out there does focus on leaving the relationship. One of the biggest things I"ve learned in living with someone with a personality disorder is that I cannot change them or fix them or make them do anything I want them to do. Only they can choose to do that. The only person we can change is ourselves. The way you respond to him, the way you take care of your own needs, even if he never does, speaking up for yourself, and working on conflict resolution. These are all ways that you can begin to see improvements in how you approach the relationship.
We have a lot of great workshops on the right side of the page to help us learn new skills to begin improving our relationships. To get you started, here is a link to one of our workshops on The Dysfunctional Dance.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=66672.0