Harrassment

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Two years ago my sister was diagnosed with BPD following a failed (thank heavens) suicide attempt.  Following her ER stay, she spent a week at a psychiatric hospital, was diagnosed, received some treatment, and was subsequently discharged.  During this time I was one of two people who she wanted present, the only one who visited her, kept in communication, brought her necessities, spoke with her therapists/doctors, etc.  I was also the person she chose to be her "emergency" contact should she ever feel suicidal again.  In the two years since, she stopped meds, therapy (both of which lasted only a few months), and moved cross country.  I've tried to find the balance between having a relationship with her and having my own sanity (they often seem mutually exclusive), but between last night and today, I became concerned by some behaviors she was exhibiting.  Two of her triggers for major depression/suicide are isolation and feeling overwhelmed, and I thought I was seeing those.  After texting, in which she unleashed a torrent of abuse, and then a phone call (in which the torrent continued, along with sobbing, accusations, blame, etc), I told her I thought she needed to be evaluated.  Prior to calling her I had contacted the psych hospital she'd been admitted to and explained the situation, at which point I was advised to give her three options: take herself to the ER, Explain the situation to her live-in boyfriend and have HIM take her to the ER, or call the local police dept. and ask for a welfare check.  I didn't believe she was in crisis initially, but after her refusal to help me understand her mental state, the emotional explosion, and some undercurrents I'd felt when visiting her a month ago, I thought she should be seen by someone.  She refused to go to the ER and told me to call the police if I really wanted to, so I did.  I understood that she didn't think it necessary and would be outraged, but after years of this, I've reached a point where sometimes I'm more concerned about her safety than her feelings.  So yes, I asked for a welfare check.  She later sent me a text stating that according to the police officer, this could be considered Harrassment- as would future contact.  I understand that she's a grown adult and can decide who to stay in contact with and if she no longer wants me to be her emergency contact, then I'll accept that.  But can I really end up with charges of harrassment on my record for this?  Also, if she's willing to file charges against me for something like this, I'm no longer interested in a relationship with her.  And of course I feel guilty about that.  But I don't want my own personal file blemished because of her issues.  Advice?

[lf89]

Two years ago my sister was diagnosed with BPD following a failed (thank heavens) suicide attempt.  Following her ER stay, she spent a week at a psychiatric hospital, was diagnosed, received some treatment, and was subsequently discharged.  During this time I was one of two people who she wanted present, the only one who visited her, kept in communication, brought her necessities, spoke with her therapists/doctors, etc.  I was also the person she chose to be her "emergency" contact should she ever feel suicidal again.  In the two years since, she stopped meds, therapy (both of which lasted only a few months), and moved cross country.  I've tried to find the balance between having a relationship with her and having my own sanity (they often seem mutually exclusive), but between last night and today, I became concerned by some behaviors she was exhibiting.  Two of her triggers for major depression/suicide are isolation and feeling overwhelmed, and I thought I was seeing those.  After texting, in which she unleashed a torrent of abuse, and then a phone call (in which the torrent continued, along with sobbing, accusations, blame, etc), I told her I thought she needed to be evaluated.  Prior to calling her I had contacted the psych hospital she'd been admitted to and explained the situation, at which point I was advised to give her three options: take herself to the ER, Explain the situation to her live-in boyfriend and have HIM take her to the ER, or call the local police dept. and ask for a welfare check.  I didn't believe she was in crisis initially, but after her refusal to help me understand her mental state, the emotional explosion, and some undercurrents I'd felt when visiting her a month ago, I thought she should be seen by someone.  She refused to go to the ER and told me to call the police if I really wanted to, so I did.  I understood that she didn't think it necessary and would be outraged, but after years of this, I've reached a point where sometimes I'm more concerned about her safety than her feelings.  So yes, I asked for a welfare check.  She later sent me a text stating that according to the police officer, this could be considered Harrassment- as would future contact.  I understand that she's a grown adult and can decide who to stay in contact with and if she no longer wants me to be her emergency contact, then I'll accept that.  But can I really end up with charges of harrassment on my record for this?  Also, if she's willing to file charges against me for something like this, I'm no longer interested in a relationship with her.  And of course I feel guilty about that.  But I don't want my own personal file blemished because of her issues.  Advice?

[Turkish]

You heard this from her... .

I've never heard of a wellness check being deemed harassment.  You may want to check with the police rather than believing her. 

[Sprinkledinkles]

I've called in a wellness check and it was unfounded by them when literally 15 mins before she was telling me she was getting her gun and blowing her brains out. She lied and said she was fine and told them I was making trouble for her over a fight. The worst they can do is ask that you don't contact her, nothing formally written unless by her.

My opinion is that it's not selfish or wrong of you to take a step away and back if you will be harmed in any way by staying. She more than likely will come back to you asking for things to go back to normal and from there you can choose if you wish to remain in that position again or ask that she find someone else.

I'm on pins and needles about my own mom right now, little hints of suicide and big statements of wishing she were dead. I see a counsellor on weds and hopefully she can give me some advice or direction because living like this, with fear that you are aware of someone's potential suicide but can't do anything about is no way to live either. Intellectually I know we can not stop someone if they really want to do it, if there's a will there's a way but emotionally it's feeling impossible to not feel responsible for not stopping it. A very stuck feeling that has me in a anxiety driven madness which I suspect could be contributing to your own. If you don't have a counsellor I hope you decide to get one or even a support group in your community. It's difficult to know what to say and do when your hands are tied, the stress gets to even the strongest of people. Hang in there.