How are you now different after having been in an affair?

[AustenJ]

I work with my diagnosed exBPDgf in a small organization so, unfortunately, I get to hear way too much of her current life in her conversations with other workers (who were unaware of our relationship a year ago). A she speeds towards another relationship train wreck with my replacement, I am thankful that I am no longer a passenger on that train. At times, it has been surreal to hear my same experiences played out in a new relationship... .the new guy caught up in her crazy vortex, just like I was a year ago.

She has been living with my replacement for 2 months. He owns a large 4-bedroom house and earns 6 figures, but travels quite a bit for work (red flag definitely). I overheard my ex telling a coworker that it was her idea that her boyfriend allows his single, best friend to rent a room from him. This would give her boyfriend extra money to put toward his mortgage, plus the friend would be able to protect my ex from a safety stand point because she's afraid to stay in that big house all alone (I'm sure her plan is to feel really safe and share the best friend's bed).

This is the same woman who cheated incessantly on me, plus once told me that she slept with her previous boyfriend's best friend just because it seemed like the thing to do. Her infamous saying was, "Just because there's a goalie in the net doesn't mean you can't score." She is cold, heartless and ruthless.

My replacement is different,  and she would never ever think of cheating on him because she is different too... .she's not the same person as when we dated or when she dated those dozens of other guys she cheated on... .she just feels different. Hasn't done anything different to deal with her diagnosis of BPD, but she is no longer that cheating, impulsive, non-empathy girl.

This time there is an interesting twist on her train wreck. She has convinced her boyfriend to invite her next lover  aboard the train. She will destroy two birds with one train... .

[Skip]

I had also just turned 54 which was the same age that my father died of cancer when I was 23. So perhaps a mid-life crisis was imminent... .I didn't want to die young like my father, and I felt like I deserved love, passion and great sex. I transferred to a new job over the summer and met a stunningly beautiful 26-year-old co-worker... .// ... .I separated from my wife and moved out for several months to be with my co-worker... .// ... .she dumped me because she "needed to get healthy" but, of course, continues to act out and not seek treatment... .it is so sad... .it breaks my heart. I reconciled with my wife and moved back, but now I guess I deserve my fate in that I'm stuck in the same building as my ex-lover... .we are in opposite ends of the building

So, you are 7+ months out of this misadventure... .how are you and your family (daughter)?

You are not alone in a world of men that go through a mid-life crisis and get caught up in this type of thing.

Who are you now that it is over?  How is that different than the guy from before the affair? 

Some men grow from these experiences, some are just wounded. Some even let go of life (especially when younger women are involved).

We don't often get to talk about this... .