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Author Topic: Just what 'normal' is ?  (Read 750 times)
FoxC

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 42


« on: August 28, 2017, 10:44:43 AM »

Just some quick intro: not so long ago I've woken up from my imaginary life full of denial and realized that my mother has a BPD. I now see the 'other side' of my life story. She divorced my father when I was already grown up, but we were never emotionally close with my dad (never got any validation from him) and probably he also had some kind of PD. No siblings. Throughout my life I hadn't got many friends and now I don't have any of them (lost the last ones by moving out and not staying in touch). My first (still very recent) more intense romantic relationship was with a man that... .guess what... .had BPD.

So a couple of weeks ago I approached this discussion with my mom, that I'm sad realizing that my childhood wasn't very normal... .mostly because of her and dad... My mom just  smiled and ask "and just what is normal? What is a norm, can you tell me? Every family has it's issues". I couldn't answer her.

Another one: a couple of days ago I was quite depressed, vented out some emotional stress to my my (ex?)BPD boyfriend, and at the end I was not very comfortable, so I told him (shouldn't have talked to him about myself like this in the first place) "I must be some strange girl". He consoled(?) me by saying: "well, we are all somehow strange. I've seen and talked to a lot of strange people (homeless, autism disorder, other mentally ill people... ), they are just as normal as we are". I hadn't got anything to reply.

Well, now, you see, I'm really lost. I just didn't have any examples of what "normal" is like, I just know that things are not normal here (lots of years flew by denying it). So how do I know? I'm feeling lost in some kind of a wonderland... .Can you please help me figuring some of this out before I loose my last sense of reality?
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Woolspinner2000
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 2012



« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2017, 09:10:45 PM »

Hi FoxC

I have not welcomed you yet, so welcome!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

This is such a great question you are asking! Although it may be an uncomfortable one to ask, I especially think it is good because you are beginning to seek for answers and that couldn't be more exciting!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) Good for you, and it is an intelligent and honest wondering.

I've often had some of the same thoughts because there are so many things that I haven't a clue as to how to even ask them. Not only 'what is normal,' but what is love? What is it to feel? I always thought I was normal, but then I started being around people who were different than me, and suddenly I saw myself as not being like them. I would agree that every family has issues, but let's consider reframing the word normal into another word:  healthy. What do you think of when you hear that word?

That will bring up the question, "what is healthy, or what does it mean to be healthy?" This is going to be a process of discovery for you, and it continues to be so for me as well. Take a look at the column to the right, and under Lessons it says, "Understanding the Effects of Growing up in a BPD Environment." Do you see things there that might apply to you? If so, what are they?

Now let's take a look at what are things that are healthy in a relationship:

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships.

Don't be surprised if you feel overwhelmed when you read some of these things. There have been times when I can't even understand some of them, as if they are not able to penetrate into my head. Then there've been other times when I cried because I suddenly had the light come on. What are you thinking about this list?

Please post again and tell me what you are thinking! I am anxious to hear from you.
 
 Wools
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There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.  -C.S. Lewis
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Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
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« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2017, 11:29:36 PM »

What do you think is normal? If you're questioning,  then you must have an idea,  yes? Leave It To Beaver? The Brady Bunch? Family Ties or The Cosby Show? Maybe it's just what you saw in other families.  I was drawn to the family of my BFF bother from another mother. Nuclear family with a boy and a girl. 

I did,  however,  know that the mother's often hour long yelling sessions at her husband weren't normal.  She divorced him only a few years after I knew them.

Decades later,  I found out that the dad suffered from depression.  I also found out that the daughter was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, Anxiety,  and Depression (admitted publicly in a Facebook post,  unbelievably). Even spending a lot of time as part of the family,  I never appreciated their struggles until I had a few decades of perspective. 

This might seem like I'm agreeing with your mom,  but I'm not.  As my T said,  "everybody has wounds."

I know families where,  despite struggles and bumps on the road, are well adjusted.  My mother's older sister raised such a family (sans the one adopted kid who went off the rails in adulthood... .I'm adopted,  too, so I'm not picking on adoptees, but rather making an observation).

I think you already know the answer to the negative side of your question.  For me,  even at 12, I knew it wasn't normal for my mom to dumpster dive for produce.  Nor was it normal to go from 1983 to 1883 literally overnight,  with no electricity,  plumbing,  heat, but kerosene lanterns.  30 years later,  my mom would say,  "I did the best I could!" Maybe,  but it wasn't normal. 

We all survived the physical aspects of our childhoods. Being here,  even those lurking yet not posting,  is a testament to we being survivors,  like it says in the manual to the right of the board.  It's the emotional wounds which bind us. To each other in a good way; to the past, maybe not as much.  I first landed here due to a romantic relationship ending,  and found my way here later, having started to put things together by looking at the past.  A few members come from the other direction.  Looking into the past and evaluating things may help us not to repeat past relationship dynamics going forward. 

It will likely be like extracting blood from a stone to go down the path of getting her to see it from your point of view.  As I said,  my mom told me what she did,  then started to tear up.  It was an opposite reaction from that of some parents here, which can be harder to deal with. I let it go.  Partly because I felt sorry for her, and partly because I was never going to get validation from the person who hurt me.  Radical Acceptance? Maybe. 

A very senior member here once said,  "no one's coming to rescue us." I think least of all the pwBPD in our lives.  That leaves us (and peer group here for support  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Notwendy
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« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2017, 05:41:25 AM »

I personally think it is futile to turn to someone with a PD for understanding and support, or to somehow "make" them see things from our point of view. If they can't manage their own feelings, having us express ours to them isn't something they likely can cope with.

I too had this idea that "normal" was out there. Now ,I see it as "emotionally healthy/mature". This includes good communication skills and the ability to manage emotions. Every relationship/family probably has some type of disagreement or issues to resolve between people but I think this exists on a spectrum from functional to dysfunctional. I also grew up watching the Brady Bunch and the Cosby show, thinking that was normal, but that was also TV.
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