How to keep from arguing?

[5xFive]

I am really trying not to argue with my uBPDh. REALLY trying. But he says the cruelest, most illogical irrational things. He had to work an overnight shift today so he needed to sleep when he got home at 2, so he could go back to work at 10. Knowing this, I asked my mom to pick up our kids. She took them to her house, and I went grocery shopping when I got off work. I went to 3 different stores to get everything we needed. I took the groceries home and unloaded them all into the fridge in the garage so I didn't wake him by unloading in the kitchen. I then went to  my moms and spent some time with her so that he could sleep longer. I couldn't wait anymore (she had somewhere to be) so I took the kids home to start on dinner. We made it home at 6:30, and I told S6 that he needed to be super quiet so he didn't wake dad. He got the iPad and a pair of headphones and started watching some Netflix while I fixed dinner. I put D9mo in the baby carrier and began to make h favorite soup, thinking he could take some in a thermos so he didn't get hungry. I kept only the necessary lights on, and turned all the other lights in the house off. I jiggled and juggled and managed to keep the baby quiet while I made the soup. It was past her bedtime at this point so I took her out of the carrier and literally attached her to the breast and walked like that into the bedroom so she didn't make any noise. Somehow he still woke up.
Now, 4 hours later, he's still raging at me about what a piece of sh**t I am for waking him up. Wtf. I apologized for waking him (I have no idea how I could have been quieter but he did wake up so I was trying to validate this). But THEN i nearly fell asleep while rubbing him (I've been up since 4:00am-when I wake for work) and he blew up some more about what a piece of sh**t I am. And how I never push myself for him!
I'm so mad and I can't seem to help myself. That was my trigger. I MUST argue. See above. I've pushed and pushed myself, today alone. And here we are at 11 at night and he's at work and again he's keeping me from sleeping. Wait. Isn't this why he's angry? Omg. I can't handle it!

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[Mavrik]

Sorry to hear what your going through

Ahhhhh yes the 'any reason to argue', sadly a trait BPD's do all to often. My ex BPD gf could start an argument in an empty room

If it wasn't what occurred that day, that made him angry and argumentative, it would have been something else.

Communication is the best thing you can do, sit him down and tell him how it made you feel. As if you don't tell them they won't see it themselves.

And also make the point that he kept you awake as you describe

But look for the right moment, if you tell him when he's raging, he will only turn on you again

All the best with it

[amusement park]

Hang in there Monucka. Use the resources on this website to help cope. We are all targets of their abuse and anger. I didn't handle it well at all. I now see I reacted wrongly to her abuse. I didn't depersonalize comments as this website suggests. Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them and stay strong.

[Meili]

That all sounds really frustrating. I think that anyone would be angry in that situation. 

I agree with AM that learning to depersonalize the verbal attacks and defining and maintaining boundaries will probably go a long way in situations like that.

How are things going today?