Hi Dali,
Welcome to the BPD Family!
I'm here because my significant other (SO) has an undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) so I come at this from a slightly different angle.
I'm glad you've found us this is a great place to connect with others that "get it". You are not alone.
Discovering BPD can be enlightening and overwhelming at the same time, understanding what is going on is so helpful but what to do with the information?
No there is no quick fix but there is always hope.
And nope, you most definitely are not crazy! As you are finding from researching BPD there is a method to the madness, there are patterns of behavior, and reasons for those behaviors. The chaos begins to make sense.
You can't make your mom recognize the problem and get therapy because the only people we truly control are ourselves, but what you can do is learn new skills, get a better understanding of the dynamics of your relationship, and get the support that can help improve the relationship you have with your mom. The members here, the resources here and the added support of your Therapist will all help you along the way.
I want to point out the box to the right -> Each item is a link to further information, you might want to start in the "Lessons" section and read whatever resonates.
Can you tell us what you have the most difficulty with in terms of your relationship with your mom?
I know others will be along soon to add there welcome to mine.
Take Care,
Panda39
Hi Panda39,
Thank you so much for your response. Obviously I knew something hasn't been right with her for years but could never work it out. Already she freaked out today because I said I can't see her before she goes on holiday but I kept my boundaries and pointed out her anxieties are hers to deal with and if someone says to her it's not convenient for a visit then to respect it. To cut a long story short she played the victim but accepted it. I'm dreading her return from holiday because she is hyper sensitive to anything she perceives as rejection and will throw a total wobbler. Thing is I relent to have a quiet life but it also means I am not honouring myself or my boundaries.
I'm currently seeing the childhood abuse with a clear lens and I have to be honest, it sickens me to my stomach. To finally admit I was seriously abused over a long period of time and that it's had devastating consequences for me and my wellbeing is boggling my mind! So at the moment I'm finding this hard to deal with while trying to create some distance without alerting her to it!
I find her controlling, being overly involved in my life, using finances over me (I'm over a barrel at the moment) as she owns half of my apartment, her black and white thinking - endlessly having to listen to 'issues' she's having with other people, she sort of seems to think she's me - celebrates my successes as hers the result being I don't celebrate mine or even feel joy about them. I mean I feel the list goes on and on! Ultimately she creates this fear and anxiety in me mixed with anger and disgust. Cutting her off does not appear to be an option for me at the moment. I feel extremely baffled that I've spent almost 40 years dealing with her and feel 'why should I anymore?' I feel trapped. I honestly wish I could pack up and leave!
Sorry to be so scattered in what I'm saying and going all over the place. I feel fractured - not that this is a new feeling!
My therapy session was great. She has hope for me that I can't feel for myself at the moment.
I wonder how you get to know yourself. I don't trust who I am or my feelings. But sometimes I feel stronger and more confident then suffer from debilitating self doubt and self hatred. I think I exhibited uBP traits in my early 20s but I put a stop to it - great marriage / amazing husband and therapy and I also recognised I was literally turning into my mother!
I'm going to read the resources on this site. Think that will help.
