Introductions

[Bowinkle]

Family of origin; mother borderline and substance abuse addicted - 83 yrs, father passive and never takes a stands 85 yrs, brother alcoholic - 62 yrs, sister 59 yrs - bi-polar, alcoholic - mental health stabilized and has been clean and sober for 8 years, myself 57 yrs. alcoholic, sober 35 yrs. 

Gosh just writing all the above, just threw me for a loop!  It's been a long journey... .so many destructive patterns.

[Bowinkle]

Family of origin; mother borderline and substance abuse addicted - 83 yrs, father passive and never takes a stands 85 yrs, brother alcoholic - 62 yrs, sister 59 yrs - bi-polar, alcoholic - mental health stabilized and has been clean and sober for 8 years, myself 57 yrs. alcoholic, sober 35 yrs. 

Gosh just writing all the above, just threw me for a loop!  It's been a long journey... .so many destructive patterns.

I guess my relationship with her is finally ended.  At least on this side of heaven!

[Pilpel]

Congratulations on staying sober for so many years!  It is sad how much destruction dysfunctional people can cause in a family. 

So have you just recently ended your relationship with your mom?  Had you ever gone no contact before?

[Bowinkle]

No I have never gone with no contact, it is the first time.  It makes my stomach hurt and my body have tremors, but I know i'm finished.  I hate what the family or some of the family will think, but I just can't hear it anymore.

[Pilpel]

I hear ya.  I recently decided to set boundaries with the n/BPD in my life (an inlaw).  It was basically like taking a couple steps back from the relationship.  While I believe it was the right thing to do, it ended up being more emotionally difficult than I expected.  It's hard to put in words why.  On one level, she has done and said so many awful things.  She has treated the emotions of others with very little care. And there is no real accountability taken, especially since she is constantly gaslighting, and reinvents the past where she is the victim, where she is at the mercy of other people's whims.  And yet, I still kind of feel sorry for her.  And I still hate having to say "no" even though we have a relationship where she's the one who does all the asking.