Girlfriend is on holiday

[Gfissuesbpd03]

Hi all,

I am really new to this and have never done this  before. I am currently dating a girl who has fully diagnosed BPD and is in therapy. Well she was until last week when went abroad on her holiday for 6 weeks to stay with her best friend. She has been in therapy for 2 years and she works hard from what I can see, we have been together for 6 months. I found out tonight that she has been drinking everyday again and until her trip she had been sober for 5 months. Now that she is drinking her risky behaviour is back. She has slept with several guys already and is having unprotected sex with them. I am really worried for her safety and I can't even fly out there to be with her. We both love each other and I have been a miserable wreck in her absence but she has been cold and distant and I know why now. Because she has been getting attention elsewhere. She wants an open relationship and I am happy for her to have this but I want to stay faithful to her. However, I am really struggling to cope with what she has told me and I know she will keep doing it unless something clicks or should I tell her something? She is an amazing person and I love her to bits because when she is sober and working hard in therapy she really has her BPD in some control, there always moments of black and white and up and Down. But this destructive behaviour is really worrying me, if anyone can help and maybe even suggest something I would really appreciate it.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

Hello GfissuesBPD03, welcome to the board!

There is lots to learn about BPD that can help us look out for ourselves and manage how we react to what's going on in a way that helps.  Where are you in the process of learning about BPD?  Have you had a chance to read any of the material on this page (look at the links to the right) or any books on the topic?  I wanted to ask where you are at, to better understand, before offering any advice.

I hope you find these boards as helpful as I have.  Please keep visiting, and read the posts of others -- you will see how we are often struggling with similar things, and you almost certainly will pick up some useful information.