Please Help Me Understand

[CookieMonster80]

I can't understand what is happening. Long story short I broke up with my gf of three years three weeks ago since she was spending all of her time with her friends and was neglecting the relationship. A few days later she slept with someone she works with. She claims they are just friends now and they still text and hangout, but only in a group setting. We hung out this weekend and disclosed that she kissed someone during the first year of us dating. She said she instantly regretted kissing the girl once it happened and it never happened again. Since it meant nothing, she said she did not want to tell me because it would cause issues in our relationship.

We have both agreed that we love each other and want things to work out, but I am nervous about her intentions. She keeps saying that "I deserve better" and she cannot guarantee that she would not kiss someone again as she would not be able to say no. She has said that she would consider going to counseling so any recommendations as to which type would be helpful would be greatly appreciated. The three years we were together were great and we never had any issues at all, but now I am fearful that this is going to be a constant cycle. I love her and want to be with her, but I am so afraid of getting hurt again. There are just so many questions I have and cannot wrap my head around like can someone with BPD be faithful in a long term relationship? Is this relationship ever going to work or is this going to be a recurrent issue?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Cookie Monster,

Sorry that you are hurt and confused. I believe it is possible to have a functional relationship with someone with BPD, but it takes a lot of work on your end and theirs too. But you can only control your end. You need to be clear on what your own boundaries are, learn to communicate well, and set some benchmarks for what you will accept as normal in your relationship.

It's impossible to determine whether you pwBPD will stop cheating. It will require having hard conversations and letting her know what is and is no acceptable to you. Have you read through any of the lessons on the right side of the page?

[CookieMonster80]

Hi Tattered Heart,

Thank you so much for your response. I have been reading through the different lessons and articles today and have found them to be EXTREMELY helpful. I can relate to so much of the information and if we do end up getting back together, I now have a better understanding of how to handle situations we once struggled with. I know going back into this relationships I need to set boundaries and make her aware that cheating is in no way acceptable. Again, thank you for your response