Are things going to be alright between us?

[Sargeras]

Life's been better. She was here and then she wasn't. At least that's been the pattern the past few months. It does pain me to say I've been agonizing over this much more so than she has since she broke up with me. So I'm on the road again.

For those of you unaware, 3 months ago my exgf left me to be with another guy several hundred miles away whom she sees a portion of each month. Prior to that I considered myself to be a semi-happy guy.

Despite the feeling of the rug being pulled out from under me when she informed me we were broken up, I've maintained contact with her. In her eyes, we're best friends. In mine, we're a fragment of what we were.

I've pulled the curtain so as not to put on display any of the "weakness" I feel. I've kept myself composed, and put on a front of what is unbeknownst to her artificial happiness and contentment. Contrary to what I want, I've encouraged her to make the move to be closer to her boyfriend. I don't know why I say things like that to her, but I do. The truth is, she won't be able to complete the circuit and make the final move to go be him for a long time.

I even got a her a job where I work which she will be starting soon to help her save money to do this! Every so often I'll check her boyfriends facebook. While he has no idea I do this, I noticed today he blocked me. Lol.  

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, but it probably has to do with the fact that she's going to be gone for a week after she leaves tomorrow to go see her new boy toy. I find myself rather depressed. I want her to come back. I miss our time together. We hung out the other night and it was fun.

I accept the fact that she needs her freedom, but will things really be alright between us? People tell me to be patient while this other thing she has going on fizzles out.

Honestly I just want some comfort.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Sorry it's been so hard for you. What are you doing for yourself in the meantime? How are you starting the healing process?

[Meili]

It is not uncommon for the non to try to maintain a friendship in hopes of maintaining a connection with the pwBPD. But, if we do the same things in the friendship that we did in the romantic relationship, we are going to have the same problems.

One of those problems seems to be maintaining boundaries. Is that a problem with you?

[Sargeras]

Thank you both for your reply.

I've tried to occupy more of my time doing things that don't involve her. A friend and I took up boxing, I workout much more often, and I've made a real effort to get out of my house more.

While I do sometimes struggle maintaining boundaries with her and I'm perhaps a little more touchy with her than I should be, for the most part I do well. Things have been good between us, but she left today to go see her boyfriend for a week, and I'm not going to have any contact with her while she's with him.

I've really tried to be a better listener and practice SET when I'm with her. I find our communication is improving.

My two primary sources of anxiety have been thinking about where I'm going to be with her once her relationship implodes with this guy because of distance, or the two of them touching each other.

[Tattered Heart]

My two primary sources of anxiety have been thinking about where I'm going to be with her once her relationship implodes with this guy because of distance, or the two of them touching each other.

That's tough. When you find yourself beginning to think on those things perhaps you could try to do some mindfulness to get out of that future thinking. Mindfulness will get you back into the present.

[Meili]

Yeah, those types of thoughts are hard, and Tattered Heart is right, Mindfulness will help.

Plus, keep in mind that you don't actually know what is going on and things aren't always what they seem on the surface. Our minds can play tricks on us and cause us to imagine the worst.

It's good to hear that you are getting out and doing things for yourself. I think that boxing is an excellent idea. It's really great exercise and a good way to work off any aggression.

[Sargeras]

Thank you both very much. I needed the reinforcement.