She has left 5 times and just left again today.

[AKpanda]

Hi. i just found this resource and i am hoping it can help me. I am pretty sure my partner has BPD. She is currently diagnosed Bipolar and taking meds for that. Her behavior toward me has me in a spin. No violence or outrages, just leaving every 2-3 months and coming back for 2-3 months. We have been together for 2+ years and living together (if you can call it that) for a little over a year. She has left 5 times and just left again today. This time she has moved only an hour plus away instead of 10 hours away. She says she loves me a great deal and i am very much in love with her. I just can't keep on this merry go round. I started researching BPD after my own therapist identified my partner's behaviors as such... .don't get me wrong, my therapist did NOT make any kind of diagnosis. I am a therapist myself so am aware of the criteria - my partner displays many of them.
i don't really know what i am looking for, what i need or what i expect from this group. I am just venting at the moment - i admit it feels pretty good to think there are others who may be in a similar situation.
That's my story.
Thanks for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[evanescent]

You say that you "can't keep on this merry go round".

I think the crux of the issue that you need to get a handle on is whether you are willing to tolerate and work through her issues, or call it good where it stands now. There is of course no cure, but only varied intensities that at some times barely blip one way or the other, while at other times they are launching the nukes!

The merry go round never stops. Sometimes it just slows down a bit.

[AKpanda]

i am thinking hard about what i am willing to tolerate during this period of separation. i have more information now than i have had before about BPD but i am feeling a bit burned out by the coming and going. i can manage the rest of her symptoms reasonably well - or at least i think i have. She has no idea of how destructive to me her leaving is. I am just trying to get a handle on it now and weighing out if i can do this long term with her. a slower merry go round would be fabulous - we just never seem to get there. Something to work out with my therapist, i see!

[evanescent]

I'll just say that I think relationships with BPDs are manageable - but often with significant sacrifices that are almost exclusively one-sided, to wit:

During my marriage, my uBPDw progressively alienated and villainized every member of my side of the family for regular every day thoughtless kinds of behavior that people do such as calling our children my "step children" when introducing them (I always have and continue to introduce them as "my children" even though they are now grown and absent of their mother in my home), or for remaining distant from the open adopting out of a relative with special needs. Numerous small things piled up to make them all the worst people in the world to her. No effort of attempting to communicate from them swayed her for long, always finding a new thing to levy fault against my parents in particular. BUT, re-enter her mother, the one alleged to have abandoned her numerous times over her youth to the care of her abusive father, and she is suddenly immersed in our lives again with little trepidation.

IT WAS A ONE WAY STREET!

[SurvivingBP17]

my uBPDw progressively alienated and villainized every member of my side of the family for regular every day thoughtless kinds of behavior that people do such as calling our children my "step children" when introducing them ... .Numerous small things piled up to make them all the worst people in the world to her. No effort of attempting to communicate from them swayed her for long, always finding a new thing to levy fault against my parents in particular.

I definitely can identify with this.  Although I'm sure many have commented on this fact, i'm glad to hear that this animosity towards a partners family members is just another BPD trait. (sorry that anyone has to suffer though)  My uPBDw has hated my mother from the day she met her.  A simple benign comment made in jest, is often brought up in conversation. My brother and father (although he really is a jerk) are also on the hated-list.  But I'm also held accountable for the fact that my family has never had anything to do with my wife and kids.  Its impossible when any mention of them just results in negativity and animosity.

As far as newbie here is concerned though, the BPD relationship is almost entirely one sided. If you can accept your role in the relationship, it can be palatable.  Just make sure you have some kind of external support to help you reinforce your own internal strength.  For me I have my psychologist, and a belief that God keeps me exactly where he wants me.  I can't say that others will agree, but I still have yet to convince myself that God wants me to leave the woman, I love and bring anymore pain to the family He gave me. For better or worse... .in sickness and in health.