My mother has BPD, I left home last year and my brother still lives with her

[QueerDread]

Hi everybody, my name is QueerDread. I'm from Brazil and I'm 22 years old.
(I'm learning english... .So, sorry for possible writing errors!)
My history is too long and complicated, but I will try to be objective.

My parents were cocaine addicts and they were always fighting. I always knew that my mother is a very very difficult person, but I have never thought she has a personality disorder. I thought only that it was her way and that maybe she would change one day. Over time I came to think that it was fault of the vice, but she continued the same way even at the time when she was doing treatement to stop using cocaine.

After a lot of terrible fights, she and my father divorced in 2009. But she really regrets having done it and, because of it, they still with divorce processes in court. It makes they meet frequently and it is always bad (my mother freaks out, fights with everyone and says she's going to kill herself).

Last year I left home and moved to another city with my girlfriend. This was very well for my mental health! But, almost at the same time, I testified in favor of my father in one of the divorce cases where my mother accused him of domestic violence. So since there she is very sad and angry with me because she feels betrayed and abandoned by me.

In a few moments my mother talks happy and affectionately with me, in the most time she says terrible things for me. She still using cocaine and she doesn't work (my father pays a alimony to her).

The worse is know my 19 year old brother is living with her, enduring her madness alone. He is suffering and doesn't want to live with her anymore because it is sickening to him, but he is afraid about her reaction if he move of there.

I don't know how (and if) I should do something to help him. I always try to talk wih him but sometimes he is thinking like my mother and doesn't reply my messages because he is angry with me. He presents traits of BPD and doens't want to go to a psycologic... .

I feel guilty and I don't know what do... .I really need help!

[Struggles]

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this with your mom.  I know how difficult it is, and how guilt can get the best of us.  But let me say, I am proud of you for knowing you needed to take care of yourself and move for your mental health.  We all feel guilty for distancing ourselves from the person with BPD that we love, but we have to take care of ourselves. 

As far as testifying in court for your dad; you did the right thing in standing up for him and telling the truth.  I know it was hard and you probably felt very torn. 

I'm sorry to hear about your brother as well, when he is ready hopefully he will move out and maybe see a psychologist as well. 

The BPD in my life is my mother in law, who also has a problem with drugs as well.  But hers was with prescription medication, but with the recent delusions she has been having we suspect she might have turned to something stronger, a street drug maybe? 

Do you see a therapist?  I have thought of seeing one, but haven't taken the leap yet. 

We are glad you are here.  This has been a wonderful place to get advice and support.  It has also been very therapeutic for me just to be able to write down my feelings in a place where you know people are going through the same things. 

Hoping for resolution and peace for you!