DHS update

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

See my last post 14th allegation.  Our son spoke to the detective yesterday who told him that it was his 12SD who told either a teacher or a counselor that our sons 7Yo S was touching her... .learned behavior from his dad is what DHS is saying. Our son went to DHS yesterday afternoon and they said they believe he is guilty and are going to try and have him charged with the abuse. When our son brought up the fact that he never had any complaints against him until he filed for divorce 2 years ago,  their statement was, sometimes it takes a long time to find enough evidence to prosecute someone. Our son said, and sometimes it takes more time for you to figure out you have given the children to the monster. He also asked how can you do a full investigation when you only talk to people on my W side?  They did not answer that, but stated they had nothing more to say to him.

He meets with this detective on Thur. He will do a full investigation, and then turn over his findings to the DA.until that is done he does not get to see his son.   The DA will decide whether or not to prosecute him.

How does everything go so wrong? How does one person have so much power to destroy another? How does one person convince many professionals that what she is saying is true?  How does a mother do that to her children. She Is brainwashing my grandchildren, and what happens is her lies will become my grandchildren’s truths. There is no justice here. I am at a loss with no place to go for answers or help. I mean really, how do you get anyone to hear you or listen if everything is one sided?  In a million years I never thought I would be here... it’s destroying my faith, my own marriage, my life.

[Panshekay]

See my last post 14th allegation.  Our son spoke to the detective yesterday who told him that it was his 12SD who told either a teacher or a counselor that our sons 7Yo S was touching her... .learned behavior from his dad is what DHS is saying. Our son went to DHS yesterday afternoon and they said they believe he is guilty and are going to try and have him charged with the abuse. When our son brought up the fact that he never had any complaints against him until he filed for divorce 2 years ago,  their statement was, sometimes it takes a long time to find enough evidence to prosecute someone. Our son said, and sometimes it takes more time for you to figure out you have given the children to the monster. He also asked how can you do a full investigation when you only talk to people on my W side?  They did not answer that, but stated they had nothing more to say to him.

He meets with this detective on Thur. He will do a full investigation, and then turn over his findings to the DA.until that is done he does not get to see his son.   The DA will decide whether or not to prosecute him.

How does everything go so wrong? How does one person have so much power to destroy another? How does one person convince many professionals that what she is saying is true?  How does a mother do that to her children. She Is brainwashing my grandchildren, and what happens is her lies will become my grandchildren’s truths. There is no justice here. I am at a loss with no place to go for answers or help. I mean really, how do you get anyone to hear you or listen if everything is one sided?  In a million years I never thought I would be here... it’s destroying my faith, my own marriage, my life.

[Panda39]

Hi Panshekay,





Wow, this is just so much, one thing piled on another on another... .exhausting (I know putting it mildly  ) Hopefully, there will be a full investigation not just the one-sided viewpoint that has been going on so far.

Does your son have a lawyer?  If not he probably should get one at this point.

Sending good thoughts your way,
Panda39

[ForeverDad]

How can son have learned behavior from father if father is blocked so consistently from his son?

How about father and mother both ordered to have security monitoring (nanny cams)?  Eventually mother would forget about the cameras and be caught disparaging or setting up father for the next allegation.

I am still reminded of HPD — Histrionic PD.  Your son's dilemma just resonates so closely what one of our members faced several years ago.  95685dad had two ex-spouses and his then-teen daughter from the first marriage ganging up on him in vicious determined attacks to sabotage his parenting of his young daughter from the second marriage.

[livednlearned]

Friends here talk about the importance of shining light on the behaviors. FD's suggestion about the nanny cams is exactly the kind of solution that can shine light on BPD behaviors.

Even suggesting it in court could be so proactive that it raises questions for people who may have a preformed bias.

Curious to hear your thoughts on whether this might be a possibility?

[Panshekay]

Thanks for the well wishes Panda 39, yes he has an attorney and has had one the entire time. Our hope is the detective does a full investigation. Our son sees him on Thursday.

Thanks Forver Dad, you always have great advice. Our son does have a “Canary” camera in his living room and his bedroom.  I truly doubt his W would do that, and even if it was court ordered she would most likely do something to mess it up.  I’m just hoping the truth shall be known sooner than later.

LNL, yes I agree that is something that would shine light on the situation... .I will have to ask our son to find out about FD suggestion.

Thanks everyone, I have appreciated all you support and advice.

[formflier]

I would suggest to be proactive here... .and have his lawyer set up a lie detector test.  You are basically dealing with he said she said.

Very important that the first test is done under the protection of his lawyer... .on the off chance he doesn't test well.

I realize they are no admissible in court, but when dealing with prosecutorial discretion and the discretion of a detective it is important to put everything in your sons favor.

DO NOT have your first test be with the police. 

This really sucks... .  It appears that this is an agency attempting to make reality match their pre-conceived "vision" of the world and potentially ruining a reputation in the process.

Hang in there... .

FF

[Panshekay]

Thank you FF, that is exactly what he is doing at his attorneys office with her polygrapher. We will see what happens... .thanks for all the support.

[ForeverDad]

As the hearing dates grow closer expect for her allegations and the ones she enables in others, as well as her behaviors, to become more desperate and unbelievable.  A variation on Extinction Bursts.  Typically they're done to intimidate a person back into prior ineffective patterns.  Maybe she realizes your son won't go back to the way things were, so she's trying to use (misuse) the system to punish or bury him.  A version of where there's smoke there must be fire somewhere.  Your pushback is that since her smoke consistently remains smoke then the fire is her.

Until now it may seem she's succeeding but I've had a few here offer an alternative view, that she's getting enough rope to doom herself.  Hard to say now which way things will go.  If they go well, court needs to be aware that she won't willingly stop her obstruction and allegations, he will need to have authority and the time to parent.  If they don't go well, court ought to ensure his son stays in meaningful counseling - including school counselors - so that at least some level of independent support is available to him.

[formflier]

  Your pushback is that since her smoke consistently remains smoke then the fire is her.

This is where documentation and a tenacious and thorough L (that can present all of this "factually" will help you out immensely.


Be aware that another dynamic that could likely pop up, as they realize people are genuinely understanding her role (and that she is the fire) is that she may try to "make up", play victim, say she was misunderstood, "oops"... .

Be aware that your historical pattern is likely to want to repair the relationship... accept the apology... .etc etc.  Should this dynamic show back up (she may run the flamethrower all the way to the judges ruling... no way to know for sure)... you need to be ready.

Anyway... my rambling point is that you will need to be reach to "crush" someone (legally speaking) that is convincingly trying to reconcile... repair... something like that.

Hope that makes sense.

Generally speaking... whatever tactic she uses... keep the pressure on... .keep the light shining... .remember... they don't do well under pressure.

FF

[Panshekay]

 Thank  you FF.  We have met amazing people here. I am drained and tired. His W with the so called prompting of DHS  has asked for emergent full custody. This court date is on Nov 30th, this Thursday. I will be traveling alone to be a support for our son. Our son got a writ of assistance signed by the judge the day before Thanksgiving telling her to turn over their  son to him as it was his holiday to have him. She was served at her new city job, but would not say where he is hidden, and would not turn him over. I don’t understand why she doesn’t get put in jail. Our son has now not seen his 7 yo S for over 30 days.  The last allegation made was for sexual abuse. Our son met with a detective... .short story... .our son felt he had no other option other than take a polygraph test... .he used his attorneys polygraph guy... .and he passed it! I feel this is huge.  Afterwards the tester guy said that the detective felt our son was truthful and he did as well even before he took the test. I am very grateful that went well.  I know with issues such as these it’s very emotional and can cause false positives. So with that being said let’s see what happened next.  Thanks for the support.  And btw, this poloygrapg  test is admissible in court.  They say it’s not as a trick, this is what the polygraph person told our son. Thank you all.

[formflier]

  And btw, this poloygrapg  test is admissible in court.  They say it’s not as a trick, this is what the polygraph person told our son. Thank you all.

Hmmm... .I would ask more questions about this.  Perhaps since there is not a criminal element... .not sure. 

Also... .would ask/demand that your L file whatever needs to be filed for contempt of the judges order... quickly.

FF