Lying and contradicting behaviors

[Mrb87]

What was the strangest contradicting comment made by your BPD partner or a situation that u caught them lying in? And how did u handle it?

 I caught My boyfriend in both in this one situation? He brought up a conversation about cheating and how he hated ppl who did it and he was a victim of it in his last relationship. Also that I would cheat on him first before he cheated on me. I turns out he was cheating on me in that moment with multiple ppl. And I found out he pushed his last partner away so much he and he had cheated in their relationship so much had no choice but to cheat.

 It was strange because he brought up this conversation and I had never even shown signs of cheating or even thought about it. They say that u can see through a BPD' lies or hidden behaviors because the unknowingly scream it at u, either by accusing u of it or judging other ppl for it.

Really interested in what non BPD's have and experience and curious from BPDs y this is done. Is this a way of confessing?

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[Cire155]

I was accused , on my birthday no less, of cheating on my exBPD after having a white stain on my pants. In the beginning of the relationship she said she can't stand cheating. Yet she was still going out and catching up with a "friend" for dinner who never had a name. If she was going out with a female I would get a name. Anywho... She came home one time to tell me she was at dinner with her gay friend at Fridays. I went to the Gay friend's FB and what do you know. I saw a video of her, the gay friend, and my replacement (didn't know he was going to be my replacement then) at a brewery . I just let her lie to me and omit her telling me about the other guy. I didn't want to jump to conclusions and start an argument. Being away from her has gotten my mojo back. She always thought I was doing something. She used to say " I don't know what you are doing because you never tell me anything" I'm like I'm at work

[ateu]

My ex never accused me of cheating actually. But I think his way of trying to "tell me", was by emphasizing the very opposite.

When I found out he cheated on me with one girl, I remember he used to talk to her a lot in degrading ways. "She is really not an attractive girl", "she is overweight and I am trying to get her to eat better", "she is REALLY just a friend, and she helps me to find a job", "you are not jealous of her, right? Someone like you can not be jealous of someone like her - I mean look at her and her life".

And when I called him out on that (I had snooped in their messages and found a 7 month relationship going on): "Oh really, you are going to judge me for some thing I wrote? That is really childish of you, and plus you read my messages, I would never read your messages!"

I answered me that he actually was welcome to read my messages, because I have nothing to hide.

Same thing happened now after we split, and he promised me I would be the first two know when he was seeing someone new, out of respect. Ah... .didn't happen. I saw it on social media, and even I had proofs he started with the same lines:
"she is just my friend, I need the attention right now", "you overreacted, are you gonna draw conclusions from what you read on social media?", "remember I wanted to get back with you?"

A whole lot of gaslighting alwyas. First they are really just friends, and when I see that that is not the case, I misunderstand everything. As always. He never owns up to anything.

It's hard to see signs of cheating with BPD I think. At least my ex was a very, very flirtatious person and always had a lot of close female friends. He flirted with everyone he met and I accepted that as part of his personality in the beginning, because I trusted he told me the truth.

After the cheating though, I got really paranoid and jealous of every woman he spend time with, posted pictures with him kissing her on the cheek all the time on social media ("It's just to make the guy she likes jealous" sure.) He even spoke about her "she told my friend that she doesn't really know where it's going with me. But I mean I am a very physical person and I told her not to fall in love with me. She is also in love with her ex still, and I mean - I love you". After knowing he cheated before, those kind of explanations really doesn't work for me anymore.

So everything went downhill from there and since the trust was gone I knew it was over.

[Mrb87]

Same thing happened to me. I found conversations with other people making him sound like the biggest contradiction ever. He was cheating and doing everything in the book.  I said quotes that contradicted everything he said. I offered him to look through my messages and phone because I had NOTHING to hide but when I offered him that the room got silent and he put his head down and acted like a kindergartener who was in trouble with his teacher. After this I trust nothing he says NOTHIN. U can ask him the simplest questions and he will lie about it for no reason. when he gets caught he'll make up a excuse saying I was stressed, u weren't around or something but I'm always around and supportive in a very positive way. His family and friends say he is verrrrrrrrrry lucky to have something like me in this day and age. and then he hates me out of nowhere and says he feels crowded. I always ask him would if I did these thing to u. His mental is so weak he would be crushed if I put him through %1 of the situations and issues he put me through and would be crying blood murder

[Cire155]

I always ask him would if I did these thing to u. His mental is so weak he would be crushed if I put him through %1 of the situations and issues he put me through and would be crying blood murder

And this is my problem when I read articles or read posts from people encouraging others to love these type of people. For one, the empathy is lacking from them so they will always NEVER! put themselves in our shoes. What is good for the goose will never be for the gander is their motto. How can you realistically show someone errors in their ways when they will close up like little kids? I'm sorry but I don't want to live the rest of my life negotiating with a terrorist while being a hostage.

[Zen606]

Hi
I read your description and thought I would reply because it is similar to something I experienced about 3 weeks ago with my now ex- who has I believe borderline traits. He was telling me how much he loved me and how now he did not have to look for anyone else. Of course this was a great compliment to me. Then he started telling me that he told his sister that because of being happy with me he did not want to go back to walmart because he did not want to meet someone he found attractive, strike up a friendship with her which would put our relationship in jeopardy. I could not believe what I was hearing. When I asked him if this is what he was doing all of these months that we had been dating -- women shopping at walmart -- then I could not trust his sincerity in being a one woman man, which he so often told me he was. He never answered my question but became enraged and said I had insulted his integrity. I find it interesting and alarming that he was the one who said it and then he gets mad at me for wanting clarification. Now he is giving me the silent treatment and I am not contacting him.

Zen606