Grieving for my memories

[polaris9]

Yesterday I was in the city where I went to university and I passed the place where my stbxuBPDw first lived together over a quarter of a century ago.  Suddenly I realized that effectively all of my adult memories are with her. (I am in my early 50s and we have been together since I was 24 - we are still living together and legally separated 1 month ago).

It saddens me to think that all of these memories through my prime years are now bittersweet in many ways.  The births or our children, vacations to exotic places, milestones like buying a house, getting a job, the deaths of three of our four parents, etc.  Almost everything involves her and I think about what could have been if she wasn't BPD and should I have got out earlier?

Will this go away with time?

[once removed]

Will this go away with time?

these are pretty extensive memories, and your grief is natural.

the short answer is that with time and detachment, the pain attached to the memories will lessen, and the creation of new memories will replace them.

but for now, it is natural that these things are especially bittersweet, and it is okay to grieve them.

[MeandThee29]

Yes, my therapist also says that time will help blunt the bad memories and honor the good memories. Making good memories from here on out is good too. You may have to work on that.

This time of year is tough for anyone who is separated. Sometimes I'm excited about it, and sometimes I'm very sad. Friends invited us over for their extended family's Thanksgiving because they wanted to help with making some happy memories. It did indeed help. I often think about all of the laughing we did that day.