Intense rage and grief toward a manipulative borderline mother...

[Blueskies7688]

And the family structure that's evolved around her.  Needing some support to remember I'm not insane.  I'm also in the process of trying to be more aware of what I've taken in from a sick family structure, and learn new ways of being in relationship with my significant other instead of defaulting to old, maladaptive thinking and behaviors.  It can all feel very challenging to pull away from a family system and be more secure in establishing some independence.  I experience judgement, push back and a lot of painful manipulation from mom and brother.  They tear me down either purposefully or inadvertently in order to pull me back into the old system I'm trying so hard to leave.  The black and white thinking and attempts at manipulating guilt from me really drive me insane.  I'm filled with anger, guilt, grief, distrust and fear whenever I interact with my mother and so try to distance.   

[hope2727]

SO sorry you are experiencing that. There are many wonderful people here. There are also excellent lessons on the right hand side of the page. I understand your stress and have found the lessons helped me immensely. I am in minimal contact with my family for many of the same reasons. It is lonely but peaceful. I can't tell you what you should do but recognizing you want a different happier life's an important step.

Keep posting and keep reading. It can get better.

[MyThreeDawgs]

Could have written your tag.  I am on line now if you want to chat.

[bright_future_mama]

I am also trying to be more mindful of my behavior.  It is so easy for me to go to my default, being the dysfunction I grew with.  It's all I knew.  Many times I don't even realize I have maladaptive thinking.  I'm getting better at catching myself, but if I am in contact with my parents, I go 20 steps back.  My husband actually comes in the house, can tell just from my demeanor that I've had contact with them.  It completely changes my demeanor, tone, the way I deal with stress, the way I interact with him and my children.

[pbnjsandwich]

Hello!
When I sit down and read through some of these new threads, it brings back some very difficult memories. My father who was never diagnosed with BPD, but showed almost all of the symptoms of it has since passed.  Many years ago, I sat down with my father and talked about his behavior and drinking.  It was a difficult conversation, but it had to be done because, what he didn't realize was, there are two people in a relationship, not one, not just him and me on the side lines.
Years later, as much as I loved him and included him in my life to some degree, I knew I had to place some space between him and I.  I needed to work on myself and other relationships that needed my attention (husband and daughter).  I'm glad that I did.  I needed to reassess my life and the obligation of being a woman, wife and mother. I wished things were different and that he might of listened to me the day I sat down and had a talk with him, but ultimately I had to choose myself. His behavior was becoming dangerous for me and my family, so I didn't have a lot of choices.  My siblings each hold their own ideas about their relationship (or lack of) with Dad. Some are angry with me and think that I was being selfish, other's get why I chose to walk away, but the most important part of it is, I had to choose to live life and not live his. It can't be done. I would never tell anyone to walk away from a loved one, but I would tell them to put space between, enough space to make more room for you.